


Devotion

by caramelcaramelcaramel



Series: spideychelle week 2020 babey [3]
Category: Marvel, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Spider-Man (Tom Holland Movies), Spider-Man - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Attempted Sexual Assault, Because I said so that’s why, Breakups, Cheating, Constellations, Dom Peter Parker, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Gratuitous Smut, Hot Tub, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Islands, Light BDSM, Light Dom/sub, MJ in a relationship, Meeting Again After High School, Michelle Jones-centric, Multi, Mutual Masturbation, Not Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Compliant, Not Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie) Compliant, Not Canon Compliant, Not Spider-Man: Far From Home Compliant, POV Michelle Jones, Peter Parker isn't Spider-Man, Post-Spider-Man: Homecoming, Romance, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Content, Sexual Tension, Slow Burn, Smut, Spideychelle, Spideychelle Week 2020, Stargazing, Sub Michelle Jones, Swimming Pools, The Bees, Too Hot To Handle inspired, Trust Issues, Voyeurism, Walks On The Beach, and I will die on this hill, cash prize, dating show, thank you for coming to my Ted Talk, which is my favourite thing to come out of this fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-30
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 20:20:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 18
Words: 37,671
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23932954
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/caramelcaramelcaramel/pseuds/caramelcaramelcaramel
Summary: Betty managed to talk MJ and her boyfriend, Andy, into applying for a new dating show that tests the strength of relationships for a cash prize.Ned managed to talk Peter into going on a dating show, to force him to actually make a move on someone, anyone.Suddenly, MJ's realizing that her relationship is built on sex and nothing more, and Peter's realizing the girl from high school he never spoke to is insanely beautiful, inside and out.(Loosely inspired by Too Hot To Handle on Netflix)folllow me on twitter for updates on new chapters or on tumblr for general writing stuff including writing lil pieces and taking requests!
Relationships: Michelle Jones/Peter Parker
Series: spideychelle week 2020 babey [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780090
Comments: 62
Kudos: 216
Collections: Spideychelle Week 2020





	1. Chapter 1

“This is stupid,” I muttered to myself.

“Hey, babe, it’s gonna be fine,” Andy said, arm tightening around my waist.

“How did I let Betty talk us into this?” I asked.

He grinned. “It’s just reality TV. It’s not like it’s one of the things you despise most in the world.”

I rolled my eyes, adjusting the straps of my bikini top. God, this was moronic.

“You guys can go out there now,” a PA said from behind us.

We walked out of the shed and followed a path down to the beach, where only one person was waiting, pacing anxiously.

When she saw us, she looked relieved.

“Hi!”

“Hi!” I said back, jogging the last few steps to save some awkwardness. “I’m MJ. This is my boyfriend, Andy.”

“Hi,” she repeated, greeting me with a hug, and Andy with a friendlier hug. “I’m Penny. So, um, how long have you two been together?”

“Three months,” Andy answered. “I take it you’re single?”

Penny nodded. “Relatively recently single. My girlfriend and I broke up about a month ago.”

“Girlfriend?” Andy asked.

I rolled my eyes. _Men_.

“I’m bi,” Penny answered. “Not that that should concern you.” She winked at me.

“It-it doesn’t-” Andy sputtered, triggering a giggle from both Penny and I.

Cutting the tension, someone new started down the path to the beach. From a distance, he was tall, with black shaggy hair, and a tan, muscly body.

He finally approached.

“Hey!”

“Hi!” we responded.

“I’m Mike,” he said with a grin, greeting us all with hugs. “Can I guess which of you is the couple?”

“Who says any of us are a couple?” I shot back, raising an eyebrow.

He smirked. “You and this guy, huh?” he said knowingly.

I narrowed my eyes at him. “I made it easy for you. I’m MJ. This is Andy.”

“How are you, man?”

“Good, yourself?”

“Not bad.”

“I’m Penny.”

“Why, it’s nice to meet you.”

Penny shot me a look. You know the look. “Nice to meet you too.”

Two more people appeared. One a shorter, black girl with curls I’d kill for. The other a tall white guy, also with curls I’d kill for.

“Hey guys!” the girl said, bounding towards us with an unrealistic amount of energy. She barrelled directly into my arms. “I’m Cassie, and that’s my boyfriend Wes.”

“I’m MJ,” I squeaked.

“Oh, sorry, I was squeezing you. It’s a bad habit.”

“It’s okay,” I assured her, laughing it off. “There are worse things than bear hugs.”

She smiled at me, and I sensed the beginning of a friendship.

After we’d all hugged and greeted each other, Mike asked The Question.

“How long have you two been together?”

“Two years,” Wes answered. “Shortest two years of my life.”

Cassie grinned, nuzzling into his side.

Andy pulled me closer, seemingly competitively.

“Alright, so far we have two couples and two singles,” Penny said, oh-so-observationally. “That leaves four more.”

Cassie and I exchanged a look. A this-one’s-not-the-brightest-bulb look.

“And here comes one!”

I followed Mike’s gaze to see a familiar face.

Peter Parker.

I didn’t know him well. We’d gone to school together for a bit, and he lived in my neighbourhood, so I saw him at the bodega occasionally. But I’d never said more than five words to him.

That was clearly about to change.

“Do you know him?” Andy whispered into my ear. I nodded. “Who is he?”

“Just some guy in my neighbourhood.”

He was a geek, anyways. And always seemed to avoid me. Perhaps our paths wouldn’t cross too much.

We were only here for a month, right?

“Hey!” Wes called.

“Hi!” Peter jogged to meet us, and began introducing himself.

He got to me, and stopped cold.

“MJ,” I reminded him.

“Right. No, I knew that. Um-”

“Peter. Parker.”

“I’m sorry, you two know each other?” Cassie interjected.

“Went to school together for a few years. We’ve never been close,” I explained.

Peter gave me a look I couldn’t read, and then moved on.

Another couple came out and introduced themselves. Theresa and Owen. Cassie asked The Question this time. They’d been together a year, broken up for a summer, and gotten back together six months ago. Owen seemed sweet. Theresa had a sharp tongue and an IDGAF attitude.

Something told me this retreat was gonna break them up.

That left us with one more single.

And before long, a bombshell walked out.

And when I say bombshell, I mean _bombshell_. This girl had the body of a Kardashian, the hair and makeup of a goddess, and a smile that put me in a trance. And I was _straight_.

I glanced at Andy, only to see his eyes bugging out of his head.

“Andy?”

“Oh. Sorry.”

She came over and introduced herself. Aubrey. She seemed perfect. Graceful. Sugary sweet.

I was gonna end up competing with her and I knew it. My stomach turned just thinking about it.

After we’d all met, had a drink and chatted for a while, the speakers above us (somewhere on a fence? In a tree, maybe?) sputtered to life.

“Hey, there, folks, and welcome to Devotion!” a male voice said. “I’d like to request your collective presence at the firepit.”

I’d seen a map before we got here, so I had a vague idea of where we were going.

Thankfully, Cassie grabbed my hand and started to lead me, so I didn’t have to try to orient myself.

All ten of us gathered around the firepit, settling in. I tried to ignore the sensation of bark against my butt.

There was a coffee table nearby with a speaker on it. There was a chime, and it lit up. A female voice took over this time.

“Ladies and gentlemen. You’ve all been gathered on this retreat for a specific reason: to establish or strengthen emotional connections with each other. We have some rules to go through, so pay attention. The first rules apply only to the singles.

“Your goal here is to establish connections by any means necessary. Once significant connections have been established, you’ll earn time in a private suite in order to get to know each other better, or you’ll earn a cash prize. You’re allowed to, with consent, have physical contact with anyone on the retreat. You’re allowed to kiss. You are, when in a private suite, allowed to have sexual contact. Failure to meet rules will result in deductions from your cash prize. You have, to start, ten thousand dollars each.”

We all looked at each other.

Wow. Ten grand. I could pay my rent for, what, six months?

“Couples: your goal here is to strength emotional connections. You are not allowed to have _any_ physical contact with your partner. You are not allowed to kiss. You are not allowed sexual contact. These conditions will only change if you are specifically informed by myself. You are allowed, however, physical contact with others. You are allowed to, with consent, touch or kiss. You are, when in a private suite, allowed sexual contact. Strengthening your emotional connection with your partner will result in a cash prize. Cheating will result in a cash deduction. You have, to start, ten thousand dollars each.

“Should your relationship status change, you will have to comply with your new rules. Are there any questions?”

Theresa spoke up. “Um, what’s the purpose of not being able to touch our partners?” she asked, tone dripping attitude.

“You should be able to connect with your partners without physical contact. Have discussions, comfort one another, share joy or excitement, all without touching. This will deepen your connection, or help you realize that your relationship is based in something physical rather than something substantial.”

Wes and Cassie looked at each other, shrugging.

“Any other questions?”

Silence.

“Good luck. May the most devoted win.”

There was another chime, and the lights on the speaker went out.

I scooted away from Andy.

“Dude, seriously?” he asked.

“You heard the lady. No physical contact.”

“She’s a speaker!”

“Yeah, a speaker who’s giving us ten thousand dollars not to touch for a month.”

“Not to touch each other,” Aubrey quipped. “You can touch anybody else.”

Andy’s eyes seemed to light up.

I tried not to glare.

The male voice came over the speaker. “One by one, please make your way to the shed to give your thoughts so far today.”

“I’ll go first,” Aubrey said, getting up.

I tried not to pay attention to the way Andy’s eyes followed her swaying hips as she left.

“So,” Penny said. “Drinks in the pool, anybody?”

I jumped up. “Yes, please.”

We all went to the bar and poured ourselves some drinks, and then lowered ourselves into the pool, enjoying the warm water and cool liquor.

Aubrey came back after a few minutes, and tagged in Mike, who made a show of slicking his wet hair back as he climbed out of the pool.

Andy came over to me. “So, a month without touching each other.”

“Yep.” I took a sip of my cocktail. Cassie had made it for me, and it was delicious and strong, exactly what I needed.

“For ten thousand dollars.”

“Each.”

“Each,” he repeated.

“How do you think we’ll do?” I asked, shifting my weight.

He glanced aside. “I don’t know that I’ll be able to keep my hands off of you.”

I rolled my eyes. “Well, ten grand is six month’s rent, so you’re gonna have to.”

“You seem mad at me.”

“I’m irritated with the fact that your eyes keep finding their way to Aubrey’s ass,” I admitted.

He scoffed, and then looked at my face, and swallowed his pride. “I’m sorry, MJ. I’ll do better.”

I smiled. “Thanks.”

Mike came back, and tagged Andy in. He climbed out of the pool, and headed towards the shed.

Cassie came up to me. “Alright, shall we make predictions?”

“Sure,” I mused, sipping my drink. “I think Mike and Penny are gonna hook up.”

“Oh, definitely. Do you think it’ll last?”

I shrugged. “Too soon to tell.”

“I think Theresa’s gonna cheat on Owen by week two.”

I nodded. “Make’s sense. Who with?”

Cassie hummed, looking around. “It’s not gonna be Wes, because I know she’s not his type.”

“And because you’re in a committed relationship.”

“That too.” She chewed on her lip. “It’s not gonna be Peter, because Peter looks way too innocent for Theresa. Probably not Mike, because I think Mike’s gonna be too hooked on Penny.”

“That leaves Andy.”

Cassie looked at me. “Do you think Andy would…?”

I took a sip of my drink. “I would hope not. I guess we’ll see, right?”

“Right.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just to make sure it's clear (because i was able to keep track of all the names but my beta reader had some trouble) here's a quick guide to who's who  
> Cassie - dating Wes, friends with MJ  
> Penny - single, interested in Mike, kinda dumb  
> Theresa - dating Owen, kinda catty  
> Aubrey - single, interested in Andy, the "perfect" one  
> MJ - dating Andy  
> Peter - single  
> Owen - dating Theresa, kind of submissive  
> Wes - dating Cassie  
> Andy - dating MJ, interested in Aubrey  
> Mike - single, interested in Penny
> 
> hopefully that helps in case of any confusion!

Last night, Andy and I had gone to sleep in the same bed, separated by a wall of pillows.

All of the beds were in the same room, and there were multiple cameras around, so I was well aware that even if we touched unconsciously, we’d be paying for it. Literally.

The lack of contact with him already had me feeling lonely. I laid awake most of the night, wishing for a simple kiss. Even cuddling for a minute would be heaven.

But nope. Ten thousand on the line. I was not about to risk it.

We were awoken in the morning by the chime of the speaker, which we had affectionately named Alex. You know, like Alexa, but without the being sued part.

“Good morning, Alex,” Owen groaned.

I sat up and stretched, careful my arms didn’t hit Andy.

“Good morning, all,” Alex responded. “Go get ready, and then gather by the beach for your first workshop of the retreat.”

“Why so early?” Penny whined.

Cassie checked her phone. “It’s nine.”

“Exactly.”

I rolled my eyes, and rolled out of bed. I was so used to early lectures and then working at the Bugle that this barely bothered me.

The girls all went to our big bathroom/dressing room, and the boys went to theirs.

“So, what’s it like not being able to touch the man you’re sleeping next to?” Penny asked.

Theresa shot her a glare. “Big talk from a girl who slept on her own.”

Cassie and I exchanged a glance.

“Okay, wait, we should figure out who we’re all interested in,” Penny suggested, through a mouthful of minty foam.

“I think for most of us that’s decided,” Cassie reminded her, throwing in a smile so she didn’t come off too hostile.

“No, I mean, like, if you were single, and they were single, who would you go for?”

A hush fell over the room.

“I’m interested in Mike,” she said, as if that were news.

“Well, if we’re saying who we would go for, if present relationships were no object,” Aubrey said, “I think my pick would be Andy.”

I raised an eyebrow at her. “Why Andy?”

“Blonde hair, sparkly green eyes, washboard abs, biceps bigger than my head. He’s my type.”

“I’m sorry, when did you get close enough to see his eyes?” I asked.

Cassie put a hand on my shoulder. Aubrey just shrugged it off.

“What about you, MJ?” Theresa asked.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I hadn’t really thought about it. I guess I’d probably go to Peter, because he’s familiar.”

“Right, you went to high school together, right?” Cassie’s hand came off my shoulder to put a tank top over her head.

I nodded. “And he lives, like, a block away from me.”

“Oh, so you know each other well,” Theresa said.

I shrugged. “Not really. I think you guys have seen ninety-percent of our interactions, to be honest.”

“But he’s familiar enough you’d hook up with him?” Aubrey challenged.

“I mean, yeah, on a deserted beach during a dating show retreat. He was a sweet kid then, and it doesn’t seem like he’s changed at all. He’d be a safe bet.”

“See, I try to go for anything but safe,” Cassie quipped, and we all chuckled.

“Owen seems like that, right Theresa?”

Theresa glared at Aubrey. “What’s that supposed to mean?”

I slapped on my lip gloss and pulled my hair up and scurried out of there, before a fight could break out.

All the guys were already on the beach.

“The first girl has emerged!” Wes called. The boys all cheered.

I laughed, dancing down to the beach.

Peter looked at me. “We’re paired up for this workshop.”

I frowned. “What?”

Andy made a popping sound with his lips. “Yep.”

I turned my frown to him. “Oh, you’ll only be upset until Aubrey comes out.”

He looked down.

“Actually,” Owen piped up, “Andy’s paired with Cassie. I’m with Aubrey.”

And now I looked like a dick. I silently walked over to Peter to wait for the rest of the girls.

“Hey,” Peter muttered, stepping closer to me, “I don’t blame you. Andy’s been acting like a dick.”

I smiled at him. “Thanks, Parker.”

He chuckled, looking away. “There it is. Decathlon MJ.”

“Oh, can you blame me?”

He shoved me playfully, and I shoved him back.

The rest of the girls started to walk out. As promised, Aubrey was paired with Owen, Cassie with Andy. Theresa headed over to Mike. Penny stood next to Wes.

Alex’s chime piqued our attention. “Hello, all. Your first workshop will be led by Amara.”

A figure appeared from behind some trees. A tall, dark skinned woman, wearing all white linens. Again, I was jealous of her curls.

“Hey, guys! Welcome to my workshop! I assume you are all acquainted with your partners?”

We all nodded.

“Great. We’ll get right into it. So, what we’re gonna be doing today is an exercise in intimacy, not in a sexual context, but in a physical and emotional sense. To start, one of you will close your eyes, and touch your partner, trying to memorize their features with your hands.”

Peter and I glanced at each other, both nervous.

“Don’t be shy,” Amara said. “Go ahead. You’ll switch after a couple minutes.”

I decided to take the lead, and closed my eyes, reaching out.

My hands landed on shoulders, shoulders that were surprisingly firm.

Don’t get me wrong, Peter was fit. Very fit. But he wasn’t bulky by any means. In all honesty, yesterday was the first time I’d ever seen him shirtless, and thus the first time I realized how fit he actually was.

I lightly moved my hands over his shoulders and down his arms. His skin was soft and smooth, like he moisturized. His arms were surprisingly muscle-y.

My hands came down his forearms, to his wrists. I swore I felt him shiver as my fingers grazed over the thin skin of his wrists and then to his palms. I was careful to graze each of my fingertips over his fingers.

When I realized I still had time, I moved my hands back up his arms to his shoulders, then up his neck. I could feel his pulse under my caress, which seemed to quicken. I moved my hands over his jaw, feeling out the shape of his face. My hands wandered up the sides of his face to his forehead, and then gently worked downwards, over his eyes and nose and, eventually, lips.

He definitely used lip balm.

Amara still hadn’t stopped his, so I let my hands trail back down his neck and over his collarbones, hesitantly.

“You can keep going,” he assured me. “Don’t worry.”

I let out a breath, and felt over his chest, then down over his ribs, counting them, and then his abs. Just as my fingers grazed over the top of his trunks, Amara interrupted.

“Switch!”

I tried not to let my relief show, and dropped my hands, opening my eyes.

Peter looked like he was about to sweat out of his skin.

“It’s fine, Peter. Just don’t have too much fun feeling up a girl in a bikini.”

He chuckled nervously, then closed his eyes. His hands found mine, and his fingers started mapping out my palms and fingers and the webbing between my fingers. Then they worked towards my wrists, feeling over the bones and the thin skin.

This was _very_ intimate. And there was nothing sexual about it. Wild.

His hands worked up my arms, his touch light and careful.

“Guys,” Amara said, “don’t be afraid to touch every part of the body, as long as you have consent for the more sensitive areas.”

Peter’s face flushed pink. And he wasn’t even looking at me.

“You have my consent,” I assured him. “I’m not gonna make you ask.”

His hands were at my shoulders now, and started up my neck, going around the back, to the nape of my neck, rather than taking the jugular up to the jaw like I had. I tried not to shiver at his touch. The nape of the neck is just kind of…sensitive, I suppose.

His hands grazed over towards my jaw, exploring the angle of my jaw by my ear, and then up to my cheekbones, mapping them out, and then up to my temples and forehead, fingers gaining confidence as he went.

I was holding my breath, and now it’d be weird if I stopped. I tried to breathe as delicately as possible, and ended up holding back a hiccup.

His fingers mapped out my browbone, eyes, nose, and then hesitated. He grazed a thumb over my lips, and I found myself holding my breath again.

I realized it’d been a while since I’d been touched with this much care.

Peter’s hands moved down to my chin, back down my neck, and then to my collarbones. He hesitated again.

Amara came over, observing Peter’s fingers, which were dancing over my upper chest.

“Don’t be afraid, dear. There’s nothing inherently sexual about breasts.”

Peter swallowed.

His hands started to move down my chest, and over the fabric of my bikini top. I tried not to show any emotion on my face, but it did feel weirdly nice.

Having your boobs cupped in someone’s hands is objectively nice, right?

His hands moved down, over my stomach and around my waist. As they reached my hips, Amara interrupted.

“You guys can stop, now.”

Peter stepped back, looking relieved.

I didn’t blame him.

\---

Andy and I sat by the pool, late that night, about a foot apart.

“You and Peter seemed pretty familiar with each other.”

“We went to school together, Andy. We’re neighbours.”

“That’s not what I meant.”

“Frankly, I don’t really care what you meant. It’s not like you weren’t having a great time with Cassie.”

He looked ready to retort, and then sighed. “Look, I’m sorry. This whole thing is just…hard. I hate not being able to touch you. Seeing someone else’s hands all over you just makes it…that much harder.”

I looked at him, and considered forgiving him.

And then I got up. “Can we talk about this tomorrow? I think I just need to sleep on it.”

“Sleep on what?”

“How you’ve been acting since we got here. Accepting an apology when I know you’re likely not gonna change the behaviour feels counter-productive.”

“Well, hey, aren’t we supposed to be strengthening our emotional connection? I can’t do that if you walk away.”

I looked at him, and rolled my eyes. “You are so full of it sometimes.”

“MJ!”

I kept walking.

And then I slept in a bed with Cassie that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> in which peter and mj start to bond

I was getting used to Alex’s chime waking me up in the morning. Cassie and I sat up, yawning and stretching.

Andy stared at me from across the room.

“Good morning.”

“Morning,” I mumbled, getting up and heading to the girls dressing room.

Cassie was right behind me. “So, what do you think you’re gonna do?”

I sighed, and waited until we were out of earshot. “I think I’m gonna try to set up a date for us, and try to talk to him. He’s a reasonable guy. I wouldn’t be dating him if he weren’t.”

“And what if that doesn’t work?”

I shrugged. “I guess I’ll have to sleep on it again.”

Penny joined us in the bathroom. “Morning, girls.”

“Good morning,” I responded, wetting my toothbrush.

“How’d you sleep?” Cassie asked.

Penny shrugged, putting in her contact lenses. “I had some weird dreams.”

“What kind of dreams?” Aubrey asked, her eyebrows moving up and down suggestively.

Penny launched into the raunchy details of a dream about her and Mike (shocker), as we all got ready, showering, getting dressed, and doing our hair and makeup.

Alex chimed to life. “Ladies, when you’re all ready, please head to the firepit.”

I finished taming my hair and glossing my lips, and headed out, leaving the other girls to blend eyeshadow and pick between two shades of red.

I was glad, sometimes, that makeup wasn’t my thing. Saved me a lot of time and money.

Cassie finished up and jogged to catch up with me.

“You gonna talk to Andy?”

I nodded. “After whatever Alex has planned for us.”

“You got this, girl.”

We sat down with the guys, and the other girls followed us soon after.

“How’d you guys all sleep?” Mike asked.

We all kind of nodded and said we slept well, except for Penny, who’s cheeks went pink.

Luckily, none of the boys clocked that.

Alex chimed, the speaker lighting up. “Hello, all. How are you?”

We all told her how we were feeling, our voices overlapping one another.

“There was a rule break last night.”

I frowned, looking at Cassie. She looked just as confused as I was.

“Would those involved like you speak up?”

A thick silence settled over us.

“Can Theresa please stand up?”

Theresa looked bewildered (which looked like overacting, if you asked me), but stood anyways.

“Theresa, would you like to shed some insight?”

Theresa looked at Owen, chewing her lip. “It’s nobody’s business.”

“Wrong answer,” Alex said. “Mike, can you please stand up?”

Mike stood up, looking up at the sky to avoid eye contact with Owen.

“Would you like to share your knowledge of last night’s rule break?”

Mike shook his head. “No, thank you, Alex.”

“Very well. Last night, Mike went for a late night walk along the beach. So did Theresa. Their actions last night cost them each eight thousand dollars.”

Theresa and Mike looked at each other, panicked. Penny looked a little disappointed, but Owen looked devastated.

“What exactly did they do that cost them eight grand?” Owen asked.

“Would Theresa and Mike like to answer?”

The cheater and homewrecker looked at each other.

Alex took that as a no. “There are two items on their list of infractions.”

“And they are?” Owen asked.

“A kiss, and fellatio.”

“Eight thousand dollars for a kiss and a blowjob,” Cassie breathed. “Wow.”

Owen took a deep breath.

“Baby, I’m so-”

“I don’t wanna hear it.” Owen got up and walked away.

Theresa looked up and glared at Mike. “Look what you’ve done.”

“Wha-”

He was cut off by the loudest slap I’d ever heard. Theresa left, chasing and calling after Owen.

“Jesus,” Aubrey muttered. “That was a shit show.”

“Day three and someone’s already cheated,” Peter mused.

Mike sat down on a log, hard.

“Are you okay?” Penny asked.

Mike shook his head.

Andy and Wes both looked so uncomfortable.

I swallowed. “Hey, let’s give Penny and Mike some space.” I got up and started to leave, and luckily the rest of the group followed me.

We headed over to the beach, and before we all got settled, I spoke up again.

“Hey, um, I’m gonna steal Andy away for a bit, okay?”

“You are?” Andy asked, looking at me.

“Yeah. Just for a few minutes.”

The rest of the group waved us off, so he and I found a spot to sit down.

“Did sleeping on it help?” Andy asked.

I nodded. “Um, so, I think we need to spend more time together one-on-one. Yeah, not being able to touch each other sucks, but I don’t think we’re developing as a couple unless we actually face the issue.”

Andy seemed to agree. “Okay. Yeah.”

“And, um, I know that I can’t control you or anything but the way you’ve been acting towards Aubrey has made me really uncomfortable.”

“What do you mean?”

“Like the staring at her and her body, and some of the comments between the two of you. And I know that she’s interested in you, and I need to be able to trust you right now.”

Andy blinked, and I knew he was processing the fact that Aubrey was interested in him.

“Can I trust you?”

“Yeah. Of course, MJ. I’m dating you for a reason. I intend to stick with it.”

I smiled. “Okay. Good. Let’s go rejoin the group.”

“Do you wanna have breakfast together afterwards?” he asked, eyes big and sparkly.

They were hazel, not green.

“I’d love that.”

\---

After the group had dispersed, Andy and I had breakfast by the pool.

I realized that we had almost nothing to talk about.

Oh, no.

“Um, so, did you bring any of your art supplies?” Andy asked.

“Just my iPad. Easier than bringing a bunch of paper and brushes and paints and pencils.”

“Yeah. Lighter.”

Did we really have nothing to talk about? We’d been dating three months and had absolutely nothing to talk about? What have we been doing at home?

Sex. The answer was sex. But that was off the table right now.

Oh, god.

I swallowed some scrambled egg. “So, what are you missing about home?”

He shrugged. “Not much.”

I blinked. Was I dating the blandest man on the planet? What the fuck?

“What about you?”

“I miss my bodega man. He makes really good coffee.”

Andy snorted and rolled his eyes.

“What?”

“Just sounds like the plot of a porno.”

“He’s just a sweet old man who makes good coffee!”

“Jesus, I didn’t mean anything by it!”

I sighed, opting to eat more bacon than deal with that.

“Is there something going on?” Andy asked. “You just seem…touchy.”

“I’m not touchy,” I said, deadpan, refusing to look up and meet his eyes.

“Okay, well, you overreacted about-”

“I don’t think that was an overreaction. Don’t imply that I’m gonna have sex with any guy who’s vaguely kind.”

“It was just a joke!”

“Some jokes cross a line.”

“Okay. Okay, I’m sorry. You’re right.”

I offered him a small smile. “Thanks. You’re forgiven.”

He overdramatically swiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Phew!”

“God, you’re so melodramatic,” I teased.

He feigned offence. “Well, I never! That is the most ridiculous accusation I’ve ever heard!”

I laughed, almost reaching over to shove him playfully before I realized I couldn’t.

At least I felt better.

\---

I couldn’t sleep that night, so rather than toss and turn next to Cassie and disturb her sleep, I went for a walk along the water.

The night was gorgeous out here. Warm and breezy, and a blanket of stars overhead.

I sat down, the waves lapping at my feet, and stared at the sky. I could see constellations. That never happened in New York.

“MJ?”

I looked over, to see Peter, walking towards me. “Hey, what are you doing up?”

“I couldn’t sleep.”

“Me neither.”

“Do you mind if I join you?”

“Not at all.”

He sat down next to me, and we stared at the stars together.

“I never knew there were this many stars in the night sky,” Peter admitted. “I mean, you see photos sometimes, but it never seemed like it could be real.”

“It’s beautiful.”

There was a pause. Both of us fell silent, just looking at the stars.

And then I spotted some notable constellations.

“There’s Orion,” I said, pointing.

“Where? Oh, I see it.”

I looked over, and he looked like a little kid, looking through a telescope for the first time. It was endearing.

“And there’s Ursa Major and Ursa Minor.” I pointed again.

“Big Dipper and Little Dipper.”

“My mom always called them the Ladle and the Spoon,” I told him, laughing a little. “That was her idea of humour.”

“Now I know where you get your sense of humour,” he teased.

I rolled my eyes, but I was smiling. “There’s Cassiopeia,” I said. “That’s my favourite one.”

“Why?”

“I like the name. My dad wanted to call me Cassiopeia, but then my parents got into a fight and my mom picked Michelle just to spite him. I don’t think it would’ve suited me anyways.”

“Maybe that’s what Cassie’s name is short for,” Peter joked.

I laughed. “Perhaps.”

“My favourite constellation is the Bees,” Peter said.

“The Bees?”

“Yep. All of the stars. They’re the Bees.”

I laughed again. “You’re such a dork.”

“I’m serious! Did you know that people born under the bees are likely to have feelings, make friends, and eat?”

Now he was laughing with me.

And then I yawned.

“Well, I think it’s time for me to head back,” I announced, getting up. “Thanks for keeping me company.”

“Thanks for educating me on constellations,” he responded.

I chuckled. “Enjoy your Bees.”

And with that, I headed back to bed, still shaking my head and smiling. _Bees_. What a dork.


	4. Chapter 4

Alex had woken us up and had us gather by the pool, in a seating area off to the side.

“Good morning, all. Today you’ll be doing your second workshop. You’ll be in groups for this workshop. Can Theresa, Wes, and Penny please stand?”

They did, Theresa and Penny shooting each other dirty looks.

I wonder what’s going on there.

“You are Group One. Please make your way down to the beach and meet the instructor.” As they walked away, Alex continued. “Can Owen and Mike please stand?”

They look displeased at the prospect of being a group.

“You are Group Two. Please make your way down to the beach.”

“No way,” Owen protested. “Bullshit. I am not doing some fucking intimacy workshop with Mike the Homewrecker.”

“This is non-negotiable. Please make your way down to the beach.”

The two of them looked at each other, and grumbled as they headed to the beach.

“Can Andy and Aubrey please stand.”

“Alex, are you serious?” I muttered, quiet enough that nobody but Cassie heard.

“You are Group Three. Please make your way down to the beach.”

Neither of _them_ looked too unhappy, but I guess that was to be expected.

“Peter, Cassie, and MJ, you are Group Four. Please make your way down to the beach.”

We stood and left.

“What do you think this one is?”

“I hope it’s not physical intimacy again,” Peter told Cassie. “N-no offence, MJ, it’s just that I was-”

“Severely and obviously uncomfortable? Don’t worry, it’s fine.”

He chuckled a little, blushing. “Sorry about that.”

“I told you, it’s fine. I’d rather you be shy than overzealous.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Cassie said.

We arrived on the beach, and met the instructor, Kavi, who was wearing the biggest smile in the observable universe.

“Good morning! Today we’re gonna be doing an insecurity workshop.”

“A what?” Theresa asked.

Kavi pulled out a bunch of tins. “You will be telling your group members your insecurities and fears and allowing them to write them on you in body paint. This is an exercise in vulnerability, trust, and friendship.”

“All things I’m terrified of,” I mumbled.

“I’ll make sure to remember that,” Cassie teased. 

Kavi continued. “Use this as an opportunity to grow as an individual, and bond with others.”

Kavi came around, handing us tins of white body paint and a bowl of water.

“Alright,” I said, staring trepidatiously at the body paint, “who wants to go first?”

“I’ll go,” Cassie volunteered. “I’d rather just get this over and done with.”

I tried not to let my relief show. “Alright, kiddo, what’s your first insecurity?” I dipped my fingers in the water and then rubbed them in the body paint.

Cassie avoided eye contact. “My nose.”

“What?” I asked. “You have a beautiful nose!”

“It’s just really wide.”

I wrote “nose” on her nose (I know, so creative) as I spoke. “That doesn’t mean it’s not beautiful.”

“I know, I know. And I try to love it, but…I don’t know.”

Peter prepped his fingers with white paint. “What’s next?”

“Uh, my past.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” I asked, as Peter started to paint.

Cassie took a breath. “Um, I’ve done some things I’m not proud of. I actually met Wes when I was in rehab, recovering from an eating disorder and a cocaine addiction. He was a volunteer at the centre. It’s not something I’m super proud of, and I tend to try to…avoid it, when I’m getting to know people.”

Peter finished writing “past” over her shoulder. “That’s understandable. Thanks for telling us.”

Something about the soft quality in his voice made my chest feel…tingly.

I squashed that feeling down. I had a boyfriend, after all.

Despite it not really feeling like it.

We did a few more of Cassie’s fears and insecurities, and then moved onto Peter.

Cassie rubbed her fingers in the bodypaint first. “What’s up first, Peter?”

He looked down. “Orphan.”

I frowned. “But May-”

“May’s my aunt.”

I blinked. “Oh. I’m so sorry-”

“No, no, it’s okay, MJ. You didn’t know.”

Swallowing, I reached for the tin. “What’s the next word?”

“Abandoned.”

All I wanted to do was give him a big ass hug, but instead I wrote it across his chest.

We did more of Peter’s words, and then it was my turn.

I caught a glimpse over Peter’s shoulder of Andy painting across Aubrey’s chest.

“Not enough.”

Peter gave me a sympathetic look. “I get that.”

He wrote that across my collarbones, and I tried to fight the burning behind my eyes.

“What else?” Cassie asked, shooting Andy and Aubrey a glare over her shoulder.

I looked up, willing myself not to cry. “Sex object.”

Cassie wrote that one across my stomach, just above my bikini bottoms. “I feel that one.”

“God, being a girl really is the short end of the stick?” Peter said.

“You have no idea.”

\---

After lunch, I went to sit by myself in the shade, just to try to enjoy the breeze.

“Do you mind if I join you?” Peter’s voice came. I looked up, and smiled, patting the seat next to me. “Thanks.”

“That was an intense workshop today, wasn’t it?”

He scoffed. “That’s an understatement.”

I stared out at the ocean. “It did feel good to wash it all off.”

“I feel a thousand times lighter.”

“Me too.”

There was a long pause, but the silence wasn’t awkward. It was actually very comfortable. I felt almost like I could stay here with Peter all day.

“It certainly went a long way for friendship,” I mused.

Peter chuckled. “Yeah. Why weren’t we friends in high school?”

I shrugged. “I was pretty closed off then.”

“Why’s that?”

I remembered his fingers writing my insecurities all over my body. Might as well just tell him. “Um, right at the end of summer before freshman year, a family friend forced himself on me.”

“Oh, god, MJ-”

“No, no, it’s okay. It just…really fucked me up. He’d been around my whole life, and he was someone my family really trusted. So when it happened, I kind of stopped trusting people for a long time. Which, I guess, turned into me refusing to make friends for a lot of high school. The only people I talked to were Betty and my cousin Lily.”

Peter seemed to sit with that.

I laughed to myself. “It’s funny. I’ve never told anybody other than family or Betty that.”

Peter frowned. “Not even Andy?”

“No. I know how he’d react.”

“What do you mean?”

“Whenever things come to politics or social issues, we tend to have different opinions. It usually ends in a fight. So I just try not to bring anything like that up with him.”

“Why are you with him if he’s such an asshole.”

I had to think about it. “He’s really sweet. And the sex is really good, if I’m being honest. I don’t know. I think you can have fundamental differences but still get along as a couple.”

“I guess. As long as you’re happy.”

I looked over at Peter. “I’m glad we’re becoming friends now.”

He grinned. “Yeah, good luck getting rid of me now.” He shoved me over, laughing, and I grabbed a pillow off the couch and hit him with it. He managed to snatch it and hit me back, and then we were both laughing and beating each other with pillows.

“MJ.” Andy’s unamused voice cut us off and we dropped the pillows. “Can I steal you?” It wasn’t a request.

“Uh, sure.”

“Walk and talk. Come on.”

I followed him out of the nook Peter and I were in.

“Are you seriously gonna get mad at me for being friendly with Aubrey and then turn around and have a fucking pillow fight with Peter?”

I frowned. “We were just goofing off. It’s not the same as you staring at Aubrey’s ass or having your hands all over her chest during workshops.”

“Oh, for fuck’s sakes. We were doing the exercise. It’s nothing.”

“Yeah, and Peter and I were just hanging out,” I snapped. “That’s nothing.”

Andy’s whole demeanor changed. “Wait, okay, no, you’re right. I’m sorry.”

I brushed him off. “Forget it. You’re being an ass anyways.”

\---

I couldn’t sleep again that night. I went down to the beach and sat by the water, mapping out constellations.

“MJ?” It was Andy’s voice.

“Yeah?”

“Can I join you?”

“Sure.”

He sat down a foot away from me. “I’ve been really shitty this week, haven’t I?”

I nodded. “Yeah. Kind of.”

“I’m sorry, MJ. I really am.”

I nodded. “Thanks.”

“Are we okay?”

I stood up, brushing the sand off my ass. “We can be. If we work on it.”

“But we will work on it, right?”

“I will. The rest is up to you.”

I started to walk away, but he spoke up. “MJ.”

“Yes?”

“I love you.”

I stopped cold.

“I-I can’t lose you.”

“You don’t have to.” I didn’t even turn to look at him.

When he didn’t respond, I just kept walking.

But I didn’t go to bed. I just kept walking. Until eventually, I was dragging myself to bed so I didn’t fall asleep on a seat by the pool.

Not twenty minutes later, Alex woke us all up.

Just my luck.


	5. Chapter 5

I was exhausted, so after Alex’s morning briefing, I slathered on sunscreen and went down to lay on a lounge chair by the beach to take a nap and tan a little. I was careful to set an alarm so I wouldn’t oversleep and tan too much on one side and not on the other. I laid down on my back, and let the warmth from the sun put me to sleep.

I woke up briefly to turn over, and fell asleep again, thankful for the sea breeze keeping me from sweating too profusely.

I fell asleep again, and woke up to Peter’s hand on my shoulder.

I groaned. “Yeah?”

“You should come grab some lunch. You didn’t eat breakfast.”:

“Oh, right. Thank you.”

Peter gave me a hand and helped me up, and led me to our little dining area as I yawned.

“Thanks for getting me,” I said.

“Of course. How was your nap?”

I rubbed my eyes, glad I hadn’t applied mascara today. “Good. I feel better.”

“I take it you had a rough night?”

“Yeah. Andy and I had…the weirdest interaction.”

We got to the dining room, so I grabbed a buttered bun and a smoothie.

“He told me he loved me.”

“What?”

“Yeah, neither of us have said that before. And then he told me he loved me and that he can’t lose me, so I guess we’re working on the relationship.”

We started to head towards the pool. “Well, I guess that’s a good thing,” Peter said. “If he wants to work on it, then maybe he really meant what he said last night.”

“Yeah, maybe, I don’t-”

I stopped cold in my tracks.

Andy and Aubrey were standing in the pool, really close to each other. I watched Andy push some hair behind Aubrey’s ear, and then lean in and kiss her.

“Oh, my god,” I muttered.

“Holy shit,” Peter added. “What the fuck?”

They kept kissing, and I saw Andy’s hands go from her face down to her chest.

“I thought you couldn’t lose me,” I said, loud enough to catch their attention.

They jumped apart.

“Oh, god, MJ, you weren’t supposed to see that-”

“Clearly.”

Andy started to climb out of the pool, but before he could, I grabbed Peter’s hand.

“Come on, Peter, let’s head to the bedroom.”

“What?” he asked, but he followed me as I pulled him towards the main building.

We burst through the doors, and I dragged him to a bed, almost ready to get into bed with him, but then I just collapsed, crying.

“Hey, whoa, MJ.”

He put a hand on my back, and started rubbing.

“I’m sorry, Em.”

I sniffled. “It’s okay. It’s not your fault. Sorry I almost jumped you.”

“Yeah, geez, that could’ve cost us eight grand.”

I sat up, laughing through tears. “Alex?”

The speaker chimed to life. “Yes, MJ?”

“Please alert Andy that his relationship status has changed.”

“Of course, MJ.”

The lights died out.

Cassie burst in. “What happened?”

I sniffed again. “Andy kissed Aubrey.”

“What?” she said. “That motherfucker-”

“Cassie-”

“No, I’m gonna go beat that son of a bitch-”

“Cassie. Come sit down.”

She took a breath, and then joined Peter and I on the bed. “How are you feeling?”

I laughed a little, still crying as I did. “I feel like shit.”

“He told her he loved her last night,” Peter added. “So, you know, he’s a bigger asshole than we thought.”

“Thanks for the backup, guys,” I said, wiping my cheeks with the heel of my hand.

“Oh, honey, come here.” Cassie pulled me into a hug, and then Peter joined in. I cried into their shoulders. “I’m so sorry he’s such an ass.”

“It’s okay. It’s not your fault. I should’ve known.” I pulled back. “God, I defended him so much. And he didn’t deserve it.”

“You deserve a lot better,” Cassie assured me. “Someone like Wes. Or Peter.”

Peter chuckled. “Thanks, Cassie.”

“Anytime.”

Alex chimed to life. “Cassie, your presence has been requested for a date with Wes.”

Cassie looked at me. “Are you alright if I go?”

“Yeah, yeah, of course. I’ll force Peter to stay with me.”

“Oooh, thank you! Peter, take good care of her.” She got up, practically jumping with excitement.

“Have fun,” Peter responded with a smile.

“Not too much fun!” I added, winking.

Cassie grinned, running out to join her date.

I flopped over, letting my head fall onto Peter’s lap.

“Ugh. I hate men.”

“I’ll try not to take that personally.”

I laughed. “Okay, let me amend that. I hate boys. Men don’t act like that.”

Peter smiled. “Better.”

He started playing with my hair, and I don’t think he even fully realized he was doing it.

“How are you feeling?”

I sighed. “Shitty. But better. Thanks for being a shoulder to cry on.”

“No problem, Em.”

I curled up on my side, my head still on his leg. He kept playing with my hair, and I slowly drifted off.

\---

Penny woke us up, gently shaking my shoulder, and then Peter’s.

“You guys are gonna miss the party. We’re all having drinks and dancing by the pool.”

I sat up. “I don’t know, Penny. I don’t really wanna hang out around Andy.”

Penny scoffed. “You’ll be fine. Come on, let’s go get you all dolled up so you can show him what he’s missing out on.”

She pulled me away, barely giving me time to look back at Peter.

Poor guy fell asleep sitting up, thanks to me.

Penny pulled me into the dressing room. “Okay, let’s find you an outfit.” She opened my section of our big wardrobe, sorting through my clothes. “Ooh! This will look _so cute_ on you!” She tossed a couple pieces at me, two pieces I’d never worn together.

One was a longline bralette, one I usually wore under something baggy if I was planning to get laid later. The other was a leather mini skirt. I’d actually bought it specifically for this retreat, simply because I thought I’d need something kind of sexy.

Clearly, I’d been correct.

“Are you sure? This is a pretty scandalous outfit-”

“That’s the point! Come on, it’ll be hot as fuck and Andy will regret even giving Aubrey a second glance.”

I sighed, and then pulled off my bikini to get changed. For good measure, Penny dug through my underwear and handed me my thong with the least fabric.

Once I was in her outfit of choice, she dug through my makeup and started on my face.

“Why don’t you have any foundation?”

“I don’t wear foundation. Just mascara and lipgloss, most days. Concealer if I’m looking really rough.”

Penny sighed. “Okay, well, I don’t have your foundation colour, but I will be adding blush, highlighter, and lipstick to your routine.”

I sat back, closing my eyes. “Do your worst.”

We chatted as she did my makeup. I realized I had more in common with Penny than I thought. She was in art school, and her goal was to be a storyboard artist. We had a good chat about our favourite art mediums, debate about was makes the best canvas, and talked about whether kneaded erasers were fidget toys or actual erasers.

By the end, I had dark red lipstick on, a cat-eye with brown liner, and a whole lot of highlight. I looked hot. And now I had a new friend.

We headed out to the pool, and I got behind the bar to make myself a cocktail.

I caught Aubrey looking at me as I mixed my cocktail in the shaker. I shot her a sweet smile.

Kill ‘em with kindness, right?

Besides, she can have Andy. She knew what kind of person he was now. It was her funeral.

Cassie came up to me. “You look _hot_.”

I grinned. “Thank you! How was your date!”

“So good. Wes and I had champagne, some of the most amazing pasta I’ve ever had, chocolate covered strawberries. Honestly, MJ, it felt like a brand-new relationship again. We had a really great conversation. It kinda felt like falling in love with him all over again.”

“Aw, that’s good, I’m so happy for you.”

I poured my drink into a margarita glass and topped it off with a lemon twist.

“Wait, before you drink your fancy drink,” Cassie said, leaning over the bar. “We should do a shot!”

“Oh, if you insist.”

She pulled out a bottle of tequila, and the shot glasses. I pulled out the salt, and cut up a lime. She poured out the shots, and then licked the back of her hand and held it out. I shook some salt onto it and gave her a lime slice, and then did the same for myself.

“Ready?”

“Yep.”

We both licked the salt, tapped our glasses and took the shot, and then bit the lime.

“Whoo, okay, let’s go join the party.”

We cleared up the bar, and I took my drink with us to the makeshift dance floor.

“Wow, MJ, you look gorgeous,” Theresa said, “I didn’t know you could be.”

I ignored the backhandedness of her compliment. “Thanks, Theresa, you look cute yourself.”

She seemed irked that she couldn’t get to me.

“Alright, I say now’s the time to turn the fuck up,” Mike shouted, cranking the music all the way up.

We started dancing, all of us careful not to spill our drinks.

After a few songs, I sat down, taking off the heels Penny had forced me to put on at the last minute. Besides, I didn’t need the extra height.

Peter came and sat next to me, leaning in so his lips were a breath away from my ear. “You’re doing a good job of making Andy jealous.”

I giggled, overdoing it a little. “Thank you, Parker.”

He took my hand. “Come on, let’s dance.”

I downed the last of my drink, and followed him back to the dance floor.

We danced the same way we did after a decathlon win in high school. Like nobody was watching. Goofy and stupid but so much fun (and really good cardio).

I felt the alcohol start to hit me, and giggled, letting myself lean against Peter.

Something clicked. And a warm, fuzzy feeling flooded my chest.

I brushed it off. I was, however, one shot and one double-strong drink in.

After another song, I whispered in Peter’s ear, keeping up our little charade in front of Andy. “You wanna get another drink?”

He nodded. “Yeah, sounds good.”

We started to walk towards the bar. Andy called after me.

“MJ, hold on, I think we should talk.”

He caught up, side-hopping alongside Peter and I. I waited until we were passing the pool to reach out and give him a good shove. He fell with a shout, and caused a huge splash, which I just barely avoided, pulling Peter out of the way as I went.

“And that, my good man, is for being a cheating piece of shit. Come on, Peter, I’ll make you a cocktail.”

We continued to the bar, ignoring a soaked, sputtering Andy as he climbed out of the pool.

I got behind the bar. “Alright, Peter, what’s your order?”

“I’ll have whatever you were having earlier. It looked good.”

I smiled, pulling out the ingredients. “Good answer.”

I started pouring and mixing, and then poured our drinks into margarita glasses, adding a lemon twist and then handing one to Peter.

He took the first sip. “Oh, god, that’s delicious.”

I grinned. “Right? I started making them sophomore year.”

Peter gasped. “MJ! You were underage!”

Giggling, I reached over the bar and shoved his shoulder playfully. “Being decathlon captain was stressful, okay?”

Peter was grinning at me. “You’re giggly when you’re drunk.”

I took a sip, frowning. “I’m not drunk. Tipsy, maybe but not drunk.”

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that was such an important distinction,” Peter deadpanned.

“Shut up, you sound like me. It’s weird.”

He laughed, and I realized that the tops of his cheeks and nose were becoming rosy.

We finished our drinks at the bar, rather than rejoining the group. I was enjoying his company too much.

Not becoming friends with Peter in high school was such a big mistake. He was so much more fun than he looked.

“Alright,” Peter said, once we’d finished our drinks, “I think we should do a shot, and then stop drinking for the night.”

I laughed. “Sure. Okay. Vodka or tequila?”

“Vodka,” he responded. “I don’t fuck with tequila.”

I frowned, and then I remembered something. “Wait, wasn’t there a party a couple years ago where you drank a bunch of tequila and then tried to convince Tony Stark to make you CEO?”

Peter blushed bright red. “Yep. And Mr. Stark will not let me live it down.”

I laughed. “I can’t believe that’s true. I heard about that from a friend of a friend of Liz’s.”

“Okay, well, it’s not that funny!”

I could barely breathe.

Peter got up and came around to my side of the bar, grabbing the vodka and shot glasses and pouring us shots.

I forced myself to stop laughing long enough to tap my glass against the countertop and down the shot. Peter followed suit.

We rejoined the dancing, thoroughly drunk. Cassie and I shared a couple of dances, namely TLC’s “Scrubs” which was a ton of fun to belt. Theresa was drunk enough that her catty personality had taken a backseat and she was belting along with us.

Eventually, Alex cut us off, turning off the music.

“Please be seated.”

I sat down between Peter and Cassie, swaying a little.

“Andy and Aubrey. Your actions today have cost you each five thousand dollars.”

A couple of the guys looked at each other, confused. Clearly, they hadn’t caught any of it,

“Andy, it has also cost you your relationship. However, to test the _bond_ developing between you and Aubrey, you will still be complying with relationship rules. You are not allowed any physical contact with each other from now on.”

“What?” Andy said. “This is bullshit!”

I raised an eyebrow at him. “Maybe it’s a good chance for you to prove that you’re in it for more than getting your dick wet.”

An “ooh” rose from some of the others. Andy shrank back.

“MJ and Peter. Your conversations the past couple days have deepened your emotional connection. Whether or not that connection is romantic or platonic is not yet clear. However, you have each earned five thousand dollars,” Alex announced. “Your funds both stand at fifteen thousand dollars.”

Peter and I looked at each other, shocked. He held up a hand for a high five.

“Dork,” I muttered, giving him the high five.

“Theresa and Owen. You have chosen to end your relationship. You will both now be complying with single rules.” Alex continued, “Mike and Penny, your date today showed an increased emotional connection. You may choose between a cash prize of five thousand each, or a night in a private suite.”

Mike looked at Penny. “Do you mind if we take the five thousand? My fund is running low.”

Penny scoffed. “Please. I’m not turning down five thousand dollars.”

“Understood,” Alex said. “Your fund, Mike, stands at seven thousand. Penny, yours is at fifteen thousand. Are there any other questions tonight?”

Silence.

“Goodnight, all. Sleep well.”

The speaker’s lights went out.

“Alright, well, I think it’s time for skincare routines, right ladies?” Aubrey teased.

“That’s my cue,” I said to Peter.

He smiled at me as I stood and left with the girls.

I’d never had to wash so much makeup off my face. I spent way longer than usual on my skincare, and by the end of it I was ready to pass out on the floor of the bathroom.

Cassie, luckily, stopped me from doing that and dragged me into the bedroom.

She crawled into bed next to Wes, facing him and smiling.

Andy and Aubrey, of course, were in bed with each other. Ew.

And then I saw Peter, in the bed farthest from Andy and Aubrey, alone.

I swallowed, and approached.

“Do you mind if I join you?” I asked.

Peter gave me a lopsided smile. He was cute when he was tired and drunk. “Sure. No funny business, though.”

I giggled softly. “I wouldn’t dream of it.”

I got into bed next to him, facing him as I got comfortable.

“You sure you’re okay?” he asked. “You seemed to bounce back abnormally quickly.”

I hummed a little. “It’s shitty. And I feel like crap. But I don’t miss him, by any means. It’s like…like I’m over him, but not what he did, you know?”

Peter smiled. “I know.”

I realized I was tearing up, and before I could turn away, Peter grabbed me and pulled me into a hug.

_Oh. Wow. This is nice._

“You can do a lot better than him,” he assured me, his voice breathy.

“Thanks, Parker.”

He hugged me tighter.

And then didn’t let go.

I fell asleep with my face buried in his chest, smiling to myself.


	6. Chapter 6

“I just think it’s obvious that there’s something between you and Peter,” Cassie said, rubbing sunscreen into her legs. “He looks at you with the biggest puppy dog eyes I’ve ever seen.”

I shook my head. “That’s just Peter. Trust me.”

“The way he was cuddling you last night-”

“He hugged me because I felt shitty and we fell asleep like that.”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Why are you so deep in denial?”

“It’s not denial!”

“How do you feel about him, then?”

My stomach did a flip.

“You’re blushing, MJ.”

“Shut up!”

“You do like him!” she cried out. I hit her with a throw pillow.

“What part of shut up?”

“Why don’t you just go tell him how you feel?”

I looked over towards the pool, where he and the guys were tossing a football around. He pushed wet hair back, laughing. I realized that I was biting my lip.

“Stop lusting after him and just go kiss him,” Cassie groaned.

“Kiss who?” Penny asked, coming up behind us.

“Peter.”

“Ooh! You two are cute!”

I glared at each girl in turn. “You’re both so insufferable.”

Cassie passed me the sunscreen, so I started rubbing it over my shoulders.

“Why are you two wearing sunscreen?” Penny asked. “You’re both black.”

“Black people can still get skin cancer,” Cassie responded.

Penny frowned. “That’s stupid.”

“You’re telling me,” I mumbled.

“Ooh, there’s the man-stealer.”

Cassie glanced up. “Which one?”

Penny and Cassie laughed. I looked up to see Aubrey in the skimpiest bikini known to man waltz down to the pool, hips swinging side to side. Andy was so distracted a football almost hit him in the eye.

“You know, if she weren’t a skank, she’d be the perfect person,” Penny said. “Great body, hair, face.”

“As my mother used to say, she’s not pretty, she just looks that way,” Cassie added.

I nodded while Penny frowned, confused. “What’s that mean?”

Before Cassie could attempt to explain, we heard a shriek. I looked towards the pool just long enough to see Aubrey fall in.

“I hope the chlorine ruins her hair extensions,” Penny griped.

I shook my head. “It doesn’t do us any good to wish her harm.”

Cassie looked at me. “That’s very mature of you.”

“Don’t get me wrong,” I continued, “I’m not her biggest fan. But all she has to do to change that is apologize and communicate with me. My issues with her have more to do with her morals and conscience than her appearance.”

Penny nodded. “That’s smart. I’m just salty that she’s prettier than me.” She came around from the back of the couch and sat down next to me.

“You’re very pretty, Penny,” I assured her. “Inside and out.”

\---

Close to sunset, Alex called all the girls to the beach.

All five of us gathered, some looking less pleased than others.

“I am going to act as a mediator as the five of you talk through some of your issues with each other,” Alex said.

Theresa groaned. “Is this really necessary? I thought the point of this retreat was to work on our romantic relationships.”

“You cannot have good relationships with men without having good relationships with women. Your relationships with the women in your life are incredibly important. You may as well build some.”

Cassie looked at me with all the excitement of a toddler being asked to eat broccoli.

“Aubrey, would you like to go first?”

Aubrey sighed, flipping hair over her shoulder. “I just don’t like women. I get along so much better with guys. They start less drama.”

Penny rolled her eyes. “You’re the one starting drama. You went after MJ’s boyfriend _knowing_ they were together. That’s nobody’s fault but your own.”

Aubrey scowled at her. “If MJ can’t hold onto a boyfriend, that’s her own fault.”

I blinked. “Aubrey, I don’t give a shit about Andy. His willingness to cheat was going to come up eventually, and that has nothing to do with me. Your willingness to compete with other women is its own problem.”

“See? She doesn’t even care about the boyfriend. I did them both a favour.”

“No, you’re missing my point,” I said, keeping my voice level. Last thing I needed was to be labelled a crazy black girl. “Women face enough issues in the world. Men already treat us like shit. If we treat each other like shit, we just give men more opportunities to do the same. That’s the whole point of solidarity.”

Aubrey looked at the ground. I turned my attention.

“That goes for you, too, Theresa. If you know a homegirl is interested in someone, you don’t go after him without at least talking to her.”

“Penny and I aren’t ‘homegirls’.”

“Well, you’re sharing a home for a month, and you’re both girls,” I snapped. “You both are letting your selfishness get in the way of sisterhood. I don’t have a problem with either of you as women, but I do think you could both be acting with much more maturity. Aubrey, if you had simply talked to me, we could’ve avoided a lot of unnecessary drama.”

“You could’ve talked to me!”

I frowned. “That’s not my responsibility. You went after my man. That’s on you.”

Theresa looked at Aubrey. “I hate to admit it, but she’s got a point.”

Cassie rolled her eyes. “Both of you need to get off your high horses. At the end of the day, Aubrey, you have a lot more in common with the four of us than any of the guys in the house. Doesn’t it bother you that guys are only ever interested in tits and never what you’re actually like?”

Aubrey refused to meet Cassie’s eyes. “I guess.”

“Do you see how you’re enabling them?” I asked.

Aubrey sniffed. “Yeah, maybe.”

Alex chimed in. “This is good progress. Aubrey, I think you owe MJ an apology.”

Aubrey stayed silent, looking at the ground.

“I don’t think she owes anyone shit,” Theresa said. “Andy was pretty much up for grabs.”

Cassie scowled. “Andy was attached.”

“Please,” Theresa scoffed. “You could tell he was only with MJ for the sex. I bet you slept with him on the first date, didn’t you?”

That hit too close. Because yeah, I had.

“That doesn’t fucking matter,” Penny spat. “It doesn’t matter when you sleep with a guy. If you’re in a relationship with them, they’re not fucking up for grabs. And neither are you, Theresa.”

“You’re such a-”

“I’m sorry,” Aubrey interrupted. “It was kind of bitchy of me to go after Andy.”

I offered Aubrey a smile. “I just hope he treats you better than he treated me.”

Aubrey snorted. “Don’t hold your breath. The second Alex said he couldn’t touch me, I saw him eyeing up Theresa.”

I rolled my eyes. “I think he’s just a little sex-driven.”

Cassie chuckled. “You think? That man could draw Aubrey’s body from memory but couldn’t tell you the colour of her hair.”

All of us laughed.

Theresa looked at Penny. “I’m sorry. I knew you were into Mike and I still kissed him. It was weird, too, I didn’t even like him.”

“Do you think you just needed an excuse for things to be over with Owen?” I asked.

Theresa shrugged. “Maybe. That relationship was kinda toxic. We, like, _relied_ on fighting so we could kiss and makeup and have a honeymoon period.”

Penny shrugged. “It’s fine. Mike isn’t my property. It just stung is all.”

“You have your eye on anyone else?” Cassie asked, prying for girl talk to bond over.

Theresa chuckled. “Well, Peter’s cute, but I think we all know he’s smitten with MJ.”

“Why does everyone think that?” I asked.

“Because it’s true!” Aubrey answered. “That boy looks at you the way Ryan Gosling looked at Rachel McAdams in _The Notebook_!”

“Well, that’s just impossible.”

Cassie raised an eyebrow at me. “Weirder things have happened.”

\---

That night, I took a long, hot shower, and then crawled into bed, joined a few minutes later by Peter.

“How was your day?” he asked, laying on his side and looking at me.

I smiled. “It was good. How was yours?”

“Good. Tiring.”

“Go to sleep, then, dork,” I whispered.

“Fine.”

He closed his eyes, and I listened to his breathing, trying to focus on that to lull me to sleep.

But it didn’t work. All I could think about was Theresa’s comment.

Because I did sleep with Andy on the first date. In the back of my car. And I knew, logically, that that didn’t make me a slut or unworthy of love. But all I felt like was Andy’s sex object.

I quietly rolled out of bed, finding a light sweater to throw on over my t-shirt and shorts, and headed out to the beach.

There were a couple lounge chairs on the beach, ones Cassie and Penny had pulled down to soak up the sun after lunch.

Now, they made the perfect spot for me to stargaze and think.

I got settled in a chair, staring up at the sky, trying to find every constellation I knew of.

And then I heard a yawn.

I sat up, and saw Peter making his way down the beach to me.

“Go back to bed, Peter.”

He ignored me, sitting in the chair next to me. “What’s keeping you up?”

I shook my head. “Nothing worth thinking about.”

“But you’re overthinking anyways, aren’t you?”

I didn’t respond. He was right, but I didn’t wanna admit it.

He laid back in the chair, looking up at the sky. “Where’s Orion again?”

I pointed it out. “See the three stars lined up? That’s the belt. And up there’s the bow-”

“Oh, I see it.”

I looked over at him. “Do you think you could point out the bees?” I teased.

He chuckled, and pointed towards the horizon. “Well, it’s those stars over there, plus the ones that make up Orion, and all of the other stars.”

I snorted. “You’re such a dork.”

“Did you know that people born under the Bees are a lot better people than they think they are?” His voice was soft, and had almost a vulnerable quality.

I sniffled, and pushed his shoulder gently.

“Do you wanna talk about it?” he asked.

I couldn’t look at him. “It’s just…something Theresa said earlier. About Andy only wanting me for sex, and how I probably slept with him on the first date and that’s why. And it’s shitty because I did sleep with him on the first date. And maybe that’s why I was never anything more than a sex object to him, or anyone else for that matter, and maybe I’m just meant to be that way, and nobody’s ever going to actually love me-”

My voice broke, and I stopped. It was quiet for a moment.

“I’m no astrology expert, but it’s my understanding that people born under the Bees are extremely loveable.”

I sniffled. “And how would you know that?”

There was a pause, and I realized he was staring at me.

“Peter?”

“Can I kiss you?” he whispered.

I let out a shaky breath. “Yeah.”

He leaned in, a hand gently cupping my face, and pressed his lips to mine.

I have never been one to think that romance can fix your problems, but I swore I could feel my insecurities melt away when he kissed me.

Peter started to move closer, and then unceremoniously fell off the lounge chair, breaking the kiss.

He laughed. “That’s what I get for trying to be smooth.”

I giggled, standing up and offering him a hand. “You did great.”

As I helped him up, I realized he was blushing.

God, he was cute.

“Let’s just go back to bed,” Peter yawned. “I think I’ve proven that I need the sleep.”

I chuckled, helping him brush sand away. “Alright, let’s go.”

We walked, hand in hand, back to the main building.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> trigger warning: this chapter shows a non-graphic sexual assault, and some violence. please take care of yourself if this may affect you!

“Good morning, all.”

I sat up, groaning and rubbing my eyes. “Morning, Alex.”

“I trust you all slept well.”

“This is why you should have trust issues,” Mike mumbled, looking like a whole wreck.

“Please make your way down to the beach for a body positivity workshop.”

I looked over at Peter, whose hair was a curly mess, and grinned.

“Oh, thank you, Peter, I needed that.”

“Wha- hey!”

He threw a pillow at me as I rushed to the girls’ dressing room, giggling.

\---

The girls and I made our way down to the beach, all of us actually chatting and getting along.

It was nice.

When we were getting dressed, Alex had given us each a colour, and told us to stand on the corresponding mat when we got down to the beach.

I’d been given yellow.

We got down to the beach, and I looked for a yellow mat while chatting with everyone.

And then I saw my mat.

And who was standing on top of it.

Andy.

“Alex?”

“Go stand on the yellow mat, MJ.”

So it wasn’t a mistake.

I went and stood with Andy, crossing my arms over my stomach, and refusing to look at him.

“Are you really still mad at me?” Andy asked.

I snorted. “No, Andy, I got over you being a cheating dirtbag overnight.”

Someone came down the beach towards us. Tan skin. Light, form-fitting clothing. Long, straight hair.

“Good morning! I’m your workshop leader for the day,” she said. “I’m Jessalyn. We’re going to be working on body positivity today. First, you’re going to turn to your partner and make eye contact.”

I sighed. I was just gonna have to suck it up.

I turned to Andy, forcing myself to meet his eyes.

“Try to maintain a neutral position. Feet shoulder-width apart, arms at your side, standing up straight.”

I followed Jessalyn’s instructions, trying to ignore the uncomfortable pangs in my chest.

“Not so hard, see?” Andy smirked.

I narrowed my eyes at him, but didn’t say anything.

“Boys, you’re going to tell the girls one thing you don’t like about your body. Now, remember, girls, if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything at all.”

Andy made a show of looking like he really had to look for something he didn’t like. “I don’t like my calves. They’re just…weird. I don’t know. This exercise is stupid.”

I looked at him, head tilted and frowning, wondering how I was ever attracted to him.

“Girls, your turn. Boys, be nice.”

I almost laughed. Pinning down just one thing felt impossible.

“Uh, I don’t like how skinny I am. I just don’t have curves. I don’t love it.”

Andy opened his mouth, but luckily, Jessalyn was walking by. “Nice words, only.”

Andy shut his mouth.

Just knowing that he was going to say something critical was already a blow to my ego.

Jessalyn handed me a small camera, and kept walking. “Alright, girls, your next task is to take some sensual or sexy photos of your partner. You don’t have to stay on the mats for this, you can move around the beach. You have…five minutes.”

I motioned at Andy to follow me, and led him down to the water.

“Uh, maybe dunk yourself in the water, just to get wet.”

Andy wiggled his eyebrows at me.

“Don’t get any ideas.”

He jumped in the water, and re-emerged. I started snapping photos, giving him directions as I did.

Jessalyn came and watched as I shot and directed Andy a couple times, helping me out. I gave her a smile as she moved onto the next pair.

For the first time, I realized Peter and Aubrey were paired up.

I didn’t know exactly how to feel about that.

“Switch! Boys, it’s your turn to photograph the girls as sensually as you can.”

I handed the camera off to Andy. “Alright, tell me what you want me to do.”

He started giving me directions. Laying down in the sand, biting my lip, spreading my legs, stuff like that. Eventually he had me stand in the water and pose while he took photos.

After the photoshoots, we had to sit with the group and go through the photos, and point out things we liked about ourselves and each other.

It honestly did make me feel better. Plus, I didn’t have to sit with Andy. I sat with Cassie and Penny, happy to be as far away from Andy as I could.

The workshop ended, and we dispersed.

I headed up to the bar to grab some water.

As I was walking around behind the bar, a hand on my arm spun me around.

Andy, of course.

“Who are we kidding?”

I frowned. “Kidding…?” I looked around, and saw some of the others coming up from the beach, finding spots to sit down. Nobody was paying attention to Andy or I.

“The photoshoot. On the beach.” He was backing me up, until I hit the wall behind me. “I know you feel it too.”

His hands gripped my hips and pushed me into the wall, and he moved in, kissing my neck.

“Andy. Andy, get off me. I don’t- get off.” He wasn’t moving, so I tried to push him off of me, but he didn’t budge.

A familiar feeling washed over me, complete with my stomach sinking as I realized what was about to happen. My heart started to pound.

“You know you want me.” His voice was a growl.

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to pretend this wasn’t happening. “Get off of me, Andy.”

His lips against my skin made my stomach turn. I really didn’t like where this was going.

“She said get off.” Andy was yanked off of me, and I opened my eyes just in time to see Peter punch him across the jaw, sending Andy stumbling backwards, towards the pool.

“Aw, poor Peter’s pissed that his girl’s done with his rebound.” Andy took a swing at Peter. Peter dodged, stepping back, and grabbing Andy’s wrist just in time. He twisted his arm, forcing Andy to turn around, and kicked him, sending Andy stumbling face first into the pool.

I stood, watching in shock as Andy sputtered.

Peter rushed over to me, while everyone else was distracted by a sodden Andy trying to recover his dignity. “Are you okay, MJ?”

I nodded numbly. “Yeah, yeah, thank you.”

Everyone crowded around me, asking me how I was feeling, and I gave empty answers, still trying to recover from the shock.

“Guys, give her a little space,” Peter said.

Cassie grabbed my arm. “Come on, let’s head inside.”

Peter started to follow us, and made it all the way to the doors before Cassie stopped him.

“Peter, I know you mean well, but I think MJ might appreciate a certain lack of testosterone around her for a moment.”

I nodded. “Sorry, Peter-”

“No, it’s okay. I’ll go hang out with the guys. Just, you know, take it easy.” Peter kissed my cheek, and then headed out.

I collapsed back on the bed and groaned. “I hate Andy.”

“I don’t blame you.”

_\---Peter---_

I headed back out to the pool, planning on playing a game with the guys and trying not to think about my bruising knuckles. I needed to relax, anyways. Seeing MJ that shaken had me riled up.

But then I saw Andy, trying to act like he was some big, manly guy, simply because he tried to force himself on a girl.

And I lost it.

Let’s be clear. Andy had a few inches on me, and probably ten pounds in muscle. But he didn’t know how to fight, I could tell that by the one punch he’d thrown. It was clumsy, unbalanced, and slow.

Thank goodness for Happy’s kickboxing training, because I needed it.

I grabbed Andy and pushed him up against a wall.

“Don’t you ever lay a hand on another girl like that.”

Andy was laughing.

“You don’t get to laugh right now. You assaulted her. You’re lucky if she doesn’t press charges, because we know damn well all of that was caught on camera.”

Andy shoved me, and I made sure to take a controlled step back. “You’re such a tool. You think this knight-in-shining-armour act is gonna get you laid?”

“It’s not about getting laid, Andy. Some of us think with our heads and not our dicks.”

“Your hero act doesn’t fool me. You think you can just swoop in and steal my girl?”

“She’s not your girl,” I snapped. “She broke up with you, remember? Move on, dude.”

He shoved me again. “What are you gonna do about it?”

“Don’t touch me.”

He smirked, shoving me one more time. I swung, fist hitting his cheekbone and knocking him back. He started to come after me again, but the other guys intervened, pulling us apart.

Mike grabbed me, pulling me aside. “Calm down.”

Owen and Wes got in Andy’s way before he could get to me. “Break it up.”

I took a deep breath.

“I’m good, I’m good. I’m fine.”

“Walk it off,” Mike said. “He’s not worth it.”

I shook myself off a little, rubbing my sore knuckled.

Everyone started to disperse, and Andy looked like he’d calmed down a bit, so I turned back to the pool.

And then I heard some glass smash.

I turned around, just in time for Andy to lunge at me with a broken beer bottle. I tried to step aside, but I felt it catch on my ribs, and immediately felt blood on my skin.

The guys tackled Andy and grabbed the beer bottle from him, and a couple of producers ran out of the shed by the beach. One of them went to Andy, pulling him away, and the other came over to me, pressing a towel to my ribs.

“Come on, we’ll get you some medical attention.”

I nodded, following the producer back to the shed.

_\---MJ---_

“What is going on out there?” Cassie asked, going to the doors and opening them.

I looked past her, and saw Mike, Owen, and Wes, all crowded together, looking over towards the producer’s shed. The other girls were running over, looking concerned.

The speaker chimed in the corner, lighting up. “MJ, Cassie, please make your way down to the fire pit.”

Cassie looked at me, frowning.

I got up and followed her out of the main building, towards the fire pit.

Everyone else gathered around. Aubrey stole a seat next to me, shooting me a smile.

It felt good to be on good terms with all the girls.

Andy was sitting off to the side, alone. He had bruises on his cheekbone and on his jaw.

Peter came and sat down, wearing a t-shirt now that he hadn’t been wearing earlier.

I glanced at his knuckled.

Bruised.

Figures.

Alex’s speaker lit up. “Hello, all. Due to the events that transpired earlier today, Andy will be packing his bags and going home.”

I looked at Andy. He seemed unsurprised.

“Andy, you have shown no growth, no desire to grow, and you have physically attacked two people. This behaviour is unacceptable.”

He stood up. “Well. I hope you all enjoy the rest of your stay.” There was not a drop of honesty in his words.

He started to walk away, and I realized I couldn’t just let him go. I jumped up and jogged after him, grabbing his arm and turning him around. He looked hopeful for a second, before the palm of my hand connected with his cheek.

“I hope you treat the next poor girl better,” I spat, before turning around and headed back to the fire pit. The girls were cheering me on, and I grinned as I sat down with them.

“Good for you,” Penny said. “I’m proud of you.”

I grinned. “Thank you!”

“One more thing,” Alex said. “In light of Andy leaving, we will be bringing in not one, but three new arrivals this evening. So, go eat some lunch and spend some time together, and prepare for some introductions tonight.”

I looked at Aubrey.

“New arrivals?”

I shrugged.

\---

After lunch, Peter and I were spending a little one-on-one time in the shade, curled up together on a couch.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Peter asked. “Today has been a lot.”

I snorted. “To say the least.”

Peter looked at me, big brown eyes filled with worry. “MJ, seriously. Are you okay?”

I nodded, and smiled. “Yeah. He’s gone, right? That’s all that matters.” He nodded. “And, uh, I had the sweet gig of standing back and letting someone else throw a couple punches.” I slipped my hand into his bruised one.

“Oh, I’m sorry- I didn’t mean to-”

“You didn’t overstep, Peter. I’m grateful you stepped in when you did.”

He smiled, looking relieved.

“I, uh, looked it up afterwards, when Cassie and I were hanging out, and it turns out that people born under the Bees were really helpful today.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah, that was what the horoscope said.”

Peter chuckled. “That was corny.”

“Oh, shut up, you started it!”

He was still smiling as he leaned in, stopping before he kissed me so I could close the gap. I pressed my lips to his, scooting my body closer to him as we kissed.

The kiss slowly built, deepening and growing heated. After a few minutes, Peter’s lips left mine to kiss along my jaw, and then under my earlobe, and then down my neck.

I froze. Because for a second, it didn’t feel like Peter.

“MJ?” He pulled back, looking at me, brows furrowed.

My nose started to sting. No, no no no no no. This was so stupid.

My eyes welled up with tears.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t-”

“No, you didn’t do anything,” I said, and my voice broke. A sob escaped, and then another, and then I was full on crying while Peter pulled me into a hug.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I should’ve asked.”

I buried my face in his shoulder. “I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

“Nothing’s wrong with you. You were assaulted. It’s okay.”

I sniffled. “I just don’t wanna be so fucked up that you can’t even kiss me.”

Peter pulled away, just enough to make eye contact with me. “It’s okay, MJ. You’re not fucked up. It’s on me, I should’ve asked.” He gently swiped under my eyes with his thumbs, smearing tears away. “I’m sorry.” His voice fell to a whisper, and I wanted to cry all over again, because I could see the guilt in his eyes.

“It’s okay.” I sniffled. “I’m- I’m okay. Can-can we do something? Like go swimming, or-”

“Do you wanna just go for a walk?” Peter asked.

I nodded. “Yeah.”

He got up, and helped me to my feet, one arm pulling me with more force than the other. “Let’s go.”


	8. Chapter 8

We sat around the fire pit, waiting for Alex to announce the new arrivals.

I leaned into Peter. “I’m kinda nervous.”

He smiled at me. “Seriously? It’s just new people.”

“Yeah, exactly.”

“Oh, right, how did I forget? School loner, Michelle Jones.”

The speaker lit up, and Alex’s signature charm played. “Good evening, all. As you all know, you’re welcoming three new arrivals tonight. And here they come.”

I heard a chuckle from up by the producer’s shed, and all of us turned.

Two guys, one girl, all making their way over to us. We all stood, ready to welcome them.

They made their way through in a line, introducing themselves and hugging and shaking hands.

“I’m Luke,” the first one said.

“I’m Michelle. Most people call me MJ.”

“MJ’s cool.”

“Thanks. It’s nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

We hugged briefly, and he moved on.

I noticed he and Mike seemed to hit it off. Guess they shared a fraternity. They seemed to become bros very quickly.

“Hey.”

“Oh, hi! Sorry, I got distracted.”

The girl introducing herself to me was a couple inches taller than me, which was rare. Her hair was short and choppy, black with a silver streak that fell over her eye, and wearing a black bikini with red strings.

Honestly, I kind of liked her punk look.

“Wow, your whole aesthetic is-”

“Too goth?”

“No, no, I was about to say really cool. I love it.”

She smiled. “I’m Ruby. She/her. All of that.”

“MJ. She/her.”

“You have gorgeous skin, by the way. I wish I had melanin.”

I laughed. “I have some SPF one-twenty, if you need any.”

“Yeah, I’m already burning. I might have to take you up on that. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you, too.”

She moved on to the next person.

Peter elbowed me. “Look at you, making friends.”

I snorted. “Please. I can’t possibly compare to Mike and Luke.”

We glanced over. They were making up a secret handshake.

“Oh, hey, Peter and MJ.”

My head snapped in the direction of a familiar voice.

“Harry! I haven’t seen you since high school!” Peter and Harry were hugging now.

I didn’t know they knew each other.

“MJ!”

I forced a laugh and hugged him. “Harry, where’d you go after high school?”

“Oh, ASU, and then I took over the western HQ for Oscorp.”

I blinked. “Wow.”

“Yeah, what are you doing?”

“Oh, I still work for the Bugle.”

“Nothing better’s come up?” Harry asked, as patronizing as possible.

“Uh, no, I’m a clerical assistant now.”

“Oh, wow.”

“Really?” Peter asked. “I didn’t know that.”

“You didn’t ask.”

Harry gave us a look. “Oh, I get it. You two are boning now!”

“No, no no,” Peter said. “It’s just…” He looked at me, nervously. “I’m not sure what it is, but I really like it.”

I smiled. “I like it, too.”

Theresa came up and grabbed Harry by the bicep. “Alright, while these two lovebirds make googly eyes at each other, allow me to introduce you to everyone else.”

She pulled him off, winking at me.

 _Oh_.

Get it, girl.

Aubrey ran up to the bar, and plugged her phone into the sound system. “Time to party!”

I slipped my hand into Peter’s, grinning at him. “Come on. Let’s get drinks.”

We got up to the bar, only for Aubrey to play bartender. “Alright, kids, what’ll it be?”

I played along. “Give us your finest cocktails, barkeep.”

“Two Aubrey Specials, coming right up.” Aubrey grinned. “I made this one up in my sorority days.”

Peter looked scared. “It’s gonna kill me, isn’t it?”

“If I make it right,” she said with a devious wink.

I laughed. My kind of girl.

The three of us drank together and chatted for a few minutes, until _Slow It Down_ by The Lumineers came on.

“Oh, I love this song,” I mused.

“Well, then, can I have this dance?” Peter asked.

I was about to refuse, because I’m not big on dancing, but his eyes were glittering, and he had this adorable, small smile. He held out his hand, and I pressed my lips together.

I grabbed my drink and chugged the last of it, and then slapped my hand into his.

“I’m all yours.”

He led me onto our makeshift dance floor, by the pool, and pulled me in close.

“If I tell you something, can you promise you won’t make fun of me?” Peter asked, his voice barely a whisper.

“Of course.”

“Of course you’ll make fun of me or of course you’ll-”

“Just tell me, you nerd.”

He chuckled a little, nervous. “I’ve wanted to ask you to dance since junior year.”

I giggled.

“I’m serious, Em!”

I tried to stop giggling. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m just-”

“Drunk?”

“Tipsy,” I corrected. “Big difference. Anyways, um, that’s…really sweet.”

He gave me that lopsided smile. “So are you.”

“Now you’re just cheesy.”

He chuckled a little, pulling me closer, until our bodies were touching. “Would you still like me if I weren’t cheesy?”

I smiled. “Not as much, no.”

For a split second, all I could think of was how perfect he was.

I leaned in and kissed him, before I said something stupid. My hands left his and wrapped around his neck. His arms wrapped tightly around my waist, pressing me against him.

The others started to notice us making out on the dance floor, and cheers rose from the others. I broke the kiss and backed off, embarrassed.

Unfortunately, someone had spilled a drink on the dance floor, I slipped, grabbing onto Peter as I did. He managed to catch me, but I whacked his ribs with my arm in my struggle for balance.

“Ow!” He set me back on my feet and rubbed his ribs.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine-”

“Did I really hit you that hard?”

“No, no-”

“Let me see-”

“MJ, no, I’m okay, I promise-”

“Wait,” Mike interrupted. “You didn’t tell her?”

“Tell me what?” I asked.

Peter sighed, lifting his shirt. There was a bandage over his ribs, dark red blood bleeding through in spots.

“What?”

“Andy did that, earlier. That’s what got him kicked off, I think,” Mike said.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Peter looked around, and then at me. “Let’s, uh, talk in private.”

He took my hand, and let me up to the main building and into the bedroom. We sat down on a bed.

“When you were in here with Cassie, I, um, got into a fight with Andy. And he broke a bottle and caught me on the ribs, and the producers had to get me some medical attention. And I…guess I didn’t tell you because I didn’t wanna worry you.”

“Oh, Peter.” I hugged him, carefully avoiding his injured side. “I’d rather worry about you than not know.”

He hugged me back, squeezing tight. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay. I get it. I probably would’ve done the same. Just…you know, in the future.”

He pulled back, smiling. “Okay. Deal. Next time one of your jealous ex’s comes at me with a broken bottle and slices my ribs open, I’ll let you know pronto.”

I shoved his shoulder. “Jerk.”

He laughed.

I really was falling in love with this kid.

The speaker in the room chimed to life. “Peter, MJ, please make your way down to the fire pit for the night’s debriefing.”

“On it, Alex,” I said. I took Peter’s hand. “Come on.”

We walked out, and the dancing was dying down as everyone finished their drinks and made their way to the fire pit.

“You look suspiciously happy,” Harry teased, elbowing Peter.

“What do you think happened in there?” I asked, looking confused, despite knowing exactly what he was getting at.

Before he could answer, Theresa bounded up to him, stealing his attention away.

When I looked at Peter, his cheeks were rosy.

“Aw, you’re blushing!”

“Shut up!”

I laughed, pulling him towards a log and sitting down. Everyone else found seats on the logs around the fire, too. Theresa sat next to me, Harry sitting down beside her. She leaned in.

“How do you know so many hotties?” she whispered.

I laughed and shrugged. “Dumb luck?” I leaned forwards and looked at Harry. “Be careful with this one.”

Harry chuckled, in that way guys do that’s meant to be reassuring but really isn’t.

That was fine. Alex would whip him into shape, or send him home with his tail between his legs.

“You have all had a big day,” Alex said. “You’ve dealt with an expulsion, and welcomed new arrivals onto the retreat.”

We all smiled at each other, proud of ourselves.

“However,” Alex continued, “There are five beds, and twelve of you.”

I caught Penny doing the math on her fingers. When she noticed me looking, she gave me this sheepish look. I smiled at her, shaking it off.

“Two of you will have to sleep elsewhere.”

There was a long pause. We all looked around, trying to figure out who the two would be. Alex kept us waiting, staying silent as we held our breath.

“Come on, Alex, the suspense is killing us!” Owen protested.

The lights on the speaker flickered. “Peter and MJ, you have earned a night in the private suite.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> please enjoy: 4000 words of gratuitous sex

Peter and I walked into the private suite, and our jaws fell open.

It was beautiful.

Big bed with huge, soft pillows. Lit candles on every surface, glowing a soft, warm white. Rose petals along the floor and over the bed.

And the ceiling. Around the edges, there were small pendant lights, but the middle of the ceiling was this weird design. There were strips of wood layered together, pointing towards the centre.

And a cord hanging down.

“What do you think that does?” I asked.

Peter grinned. “Let’s find out.”

He stepped closer to the centre of the room and grabbed the cord, tugging it down.

The ceiling opened up, revealing a blanket of stars.

“Oh my god,” I breathed.

It was a stunning sight.

Peter, however, was taking a look at the bathroom.

“MJ, come check this out.”

I followed him in, to see the most gorgeous bathroom I’d ever laid eyes on. Marble flooring. Huge shower with stone flooring. And a large corner bathtub, filled with bubbly water and rose petals, complete with a bottle of champagne and two glasses on the ledge next to it.

“Well, I suppose we should take advantage of the bath.”

“Oh, yeah, go ahead,” Peter said, already starting to back away.

“I meant together, dumbass.”

I took his hand and pulled him into the bathroom.

“Oh, uh, my swim trunks are covered in sand and-”

“So take them off.” I dropped my voice until it was soft and as sultry as it could be, and stepped closer to him.

He chuckled a little, blushing. “Are you sure?”

I smiled, guiding his hands to my back, so he could untie the string. “I wouldn’t offer if I weren’t.”

His hands hovered. “I just- I don’t-”

“Peter, if you’re not comfortable-”

“No, no, I- god, I really want to, but I don’t wanna push you.”

I leaned in more, kissing his cheek. “I promise you, you’re not.”

His fingers pulled at the strings of my bikini top, and it fell loose. I let it drop to the floor, and reached for the hem of Peter’s shirt. The second he realized what I was doing, he grabbed the back of his collar and pulled the shirt over his head.

“Oh, shit,” I muttered. “Are you even allowed to get into the bath?”

“What? Oh, right.” He looked at the bandage over his ribs. “Uh, Alex? What do I do?”

The chime came from above us. I looked up to see a speaker embedded in the ceiling. “Peter, there is a roll of cling film and medical tape in the drawer next to the sink. You should be able to safely waterproof your bandage.”

“Here,” I said, going to the counter and pulling things out. “I’ll help.” I tore off a piece of cling film and held it over the bandage. It stuck well enough to Peter’s skin that I didn’t need him to hold it there while I taped it down.

“Thanks, Em.”

“Anytime.” I put the cling film and tape away, and turned my attention back to him. “Well, I suppose we should test out the tub.”

Peter smiled, hands falling to my hips. “Is it alright if I-”

“Go ahead.”

He tugged the bikini bottoms down, and they fell to the floor without much effort. I stepped out of them. He untied the string on his swim trunks and took them off, as I pulled my hair up into a bun.

I tried not to stare at his body too much, and climbed into the bath, followed by Peter. Our legs overlapped in the tub as we settled in. The water was pleasantly hot, and smelled floral and refreshing.

“Champagne, m’lady?” Peter asked, reaching for the bottle.

“Well, if you’re offering…”

He popped the champagne open, and it spilled into the tub. I laughed a little. Peter poured us both glasses, and handed one to me.

“I don’t know how to toast without making it cheesy,” he admitted.

“Let’s just clink glasses and drink,” I suggested.

“Deal.”

We clinked our glasses, and each took a sip.

“I think we’re in heaven,” I mused, sinking deeper into the water.

“I think so, too.”

“Do you think it’s weird that there’s three of us that know each other?” I asked, taking another sip of champagne.

Peter shrugged. “I’m sure Harry needs to realize what an emotional connection is.”

I laughed. “Do you remember that party in junior year where he hooked up with three girls, one after the other?”

“I will never know how he did that.”

“I’ve never understood what girls saw in him.”

Peter smiled fondly. “I remember him telling me in senior year that all it really takes is to ask a girl how she is and genuinely listen to the response and keep asking questions.”

My eyes widened. “Oh, my god, you did that to me! And I called you a weirdo!” I laughed. “I’m so sorry.”

“No, no, it’s okay. Harry owed me twenty bucks after that.” He looked at me, brown eyes twinkling. “And I think it worked out.”

“I mean, you did get to see me naked. The results were just delayed.”

Peter laughed, cheeks becoming rosy. “You’re not wrong.”

“I never am.”

\---

We talked for a long time, polishing off the full bottle of champagne and needing to add hot water several times before we were pruned enough to get out.

Peter helped me out of the tub, immediately wrapping me in a big towel and kissing my cheek.

“Oh, hey, how’s the bandage?”

He looked down, and peeled the tape and cling film away. “Dry. Good job.”

“Thank Alex.”

Her voice came from above. “That won’t be necessary, Peter.”

We dried off, and Peter left me in the bathroom to do my skincare.

I couldn’t stop thinking about how lucky I was. Andy was gone, I’d made some new friends, and Peter was…perfect. Absolutely perfect.

And I couldn’t remember ever feeling like this about someone. I’d certainly liked my exes, but not like this.

It would be scary, if it weren’t for the fact that Peter made me feel so insanely safe.

The feeling was new, but so, so welcome.

I’d never been in love before, I knew that. I think I purposefully pursued people I couldn’t fall in love with, because the idea of being left terrified me.

But I could see myself falling hard for Peter.

I think I was already starting to.

I finished up my skincare and headed into the bedroom. Peter was sitting on the bed in boxers, staring up at the sky.

“Hey.”

He smiled. “Hey. You’re wearing my shirt.”

I looked down. I’d stolen his white t-shirt after our bath. “It’s comfy.”

“It looks good on you.”

I resisted the urge to tell him it’d look better on the floor, and settled onto the bed next to him. “Thanks. What were you thinking about?”

The corners of his lips were turned up slightly. “New York.”

“Missing it?”

“Yeah, I guess. I didn’t even tell the bodega man I was leaving. He probably overstocked the chocolate milk.”

I giggled. “Do you contribute to his chocolate milk sales that much?”

He looked at me, completely serious. “Yes, MJ. Do it for the choccy milk.”

I shoved him playfully.

“Hey!” He shoved me back, and then climbed on top of me, pinning me down by my shoulders.

Any time Andy had tried this, I freaked out. It brought up feelings I liked to keep buried.

But I trusted Peter. And I felt safe. So I just grinned back up at him.

“No, I’m curious. How much chocolate milk do you drink on a daily basis?” I asked.

“Not that much!”

“Peter, if you’re drinking chocolate milk daily, you’re already drinking a lot of chocolate milk.”

“It’s good!”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t.”

“I am helping the local economy by buying chocolate milk from Mr. Torres!”

“You were,” I agreed, trying not to smile.

“Oh, shut up.”

“Make me.”

The smile fell off his face, and he stared at me for a moment. I raised an eyebrow at him, daring him.

He leaned in. His lips pressed against mine, softly at first, and then all at once things seemed to ramp up. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him closer. His hands left my shoulders, and I felt his forearms on the bed next to me.

I had never wanted someone like this. I’d been in situations where sex felt like the obvious next part of the interaction. I’d been horny and consented. But I’d never _wanted_ someone like this. Like I’d die if I didn’t feel his skin against mine.

It was a good thing Peter wasn’t saving himself until marriage.

I hummed against his lips, and looped one of my legs around his. His lips left mine, and trailed over my jawline, while one of his hands went to the hem of the shirt.

“MJ?”

“Mm?”

“Can I-”

“Please,” I breathed.

He leaned back, and I sat up, lifting my arms as he lifted the shirt off of me.

He stared at me, eyes flitting from my lower stomach and back to meet my eyes.

“What?”

“I didn’t realize that was…all you’d put on.”

I smiled, biting my lip.

He leaned in again, kissing me hard. I let out a soft moan as his hands started to roam my body. His lips left mine again, kissing along my jaw and under my earlobe.

“You’re sure this is okay?” he asked.

“Way more than okay.” My voice was somewhere between a moan and a breath as I tilted my head back to give him more access.

His lips made their way down my neck, and I could feel his hesitation.

“I’m fine,” I assured him, and the way he kissed my neck quickly became more desperate.

I definitely wasn’t mad about it.

_Thank you, Alex._

He kissed across my collarbone, hands firmly planted on my waist, and then slowly down my chest.

Way too slowly.

I found myself trembling in anticipation, fingernails beginning to dig into Peter’s shoulders.

He kissed my nipple, slowly, and I thought he was about to get into it, and then he stopped and looked at me.

“You’re sure?”

“Oh my god, Peter, I’m going to take control if you don’t-” I was cut off by his mouth latching onto my nipple and sucking _hard_. I let out the most pathetic, whimpering moan of my life, and I couldn’t even bring myself to care.

I slid my hands into his hair, and let my back arch, pushing my chest against him. Peter’s teeth scraped against my nipple, and when I let out another whine, he did it again, lightly holding my nipple between his teeth and pulling gently.

“Peter,” I breathed.

He kissed back up my neck, and kissed my cheek.

“Why’d you stop?” I whined.

He laughed. “You sound like a little kid.”

I smacked his shoulder. “That is not what any girl wants to hear during sex.”

He grinned at me. “Is that what we’re having?”

“Oh, you are such a little shit!” I pushed him off of me and rolled on top of him.

He was still grinning. I suppose having a naked girl on top of you isn’t exactly a bad thing.

“Shut up.”

“Make me.”

He was definitely expecting me to kiss him.

_No, sir. Not today._

I pulled his boxers down, just enough to expose his cock, and took the whole length in my mouth. He left out this surprised noise that was a moan-yelp hybrid.

If my mouth weren’t otherwise occupied, I’d have a very smug grin.

I bobbed my head up and down, trying to force as much saliva as I could. Peter’s hands made their way to my hair, pulling my hair tie free and burying his hands in my hair. I looked up at him, and his eyes were closed, lips parted blissfully.

I really had shut him up.

Taking his balls in one hand, I started massaging, and Peter moaned.

Why were boys’ moans _so hot?_ It was unfair.

My jaw started to get sore, so I eased up, until it was just the tip of his dick in my mouth. I circled him with my tongue, keeping it as wet as possible.

“Holy fuck, MJ.”

I wanted to stop and make a joke about his language, but he was lightly pushing on my head, not hard enough to force me to deep throat, but hard enough that I knew what he wanted.

Steeling myself a little, and praying to the blowjob gods that I didn’t gag, I went hard, bobbing up and down, massaging quickly, licking and sucking and moaning against him. I kept going, faster and harder, reminding myself that jaw soreness is temporary but first blowjob memories are forever.

And then he pulled at my hair, and mumbled, “Stop.”

I pulled back, fully aware that he was about to cum and didn’t want to. I gave him the smug grin I’d been looking forward to.

“How the hell did you do that?” Peter asked, breathless.

I laughed. “Dicks are simple.”

He pulled me in and kissed me. “Mm, yeah, I could…I could get used to that treatment.”

“Do you want me to grab a condom?”

He rolled us over, pinning me down. “Not quite yet.”

He kissed down my neck, over my collarbone and chest, down my stomach, softly, with more care than I’d ever been kissed with before.

And then he got to my thighs, and started sucking and nibbling, hard enough to leave pink marks behind.

I really hoped they didn’t develop into hickeys, because I couldn’t hide those under a bikini.

His arms looped around my hips, hands landing on my lower stomach.

I didn’t get why until he sucked on my thigh, a little closer to my pussy than before, and my automatic response was to lift my hips. He pushed them back down, and looked up at me.

“Stop teasing me,” I said.

“Where’s the fun in that?”

“I didn’t tease you!”

“Yeah, but-but I’ve been fantasizing about this since high school. That’s punishment enough, if you ask me.”

I laughed, letting my head fall back. “You make a point.”

My hands made their way to his hair, tangling fingers and curls together. I tried to tug him in the right direction, only to be resisted.

He kept kissing along my thighs, and moved up to my lower stomach, slowly kissing a trail downwards.

His tongue finally, thankfully, caught on my clit, sliding slowly over it. I hummed, letting my body relax.

He moved slowly, tongue sliding back and forth over my clit, as he moved one of his hands back around, pressing against my inner thigh.

“Can I finger you?” Peter asked.

“Mhm.”

He went back to licking at my clit, and two of his fingers eased their way into me. I let out a drawn-out moan.

Let’s be clear. It hadn’t been more than a week, maybe a week and a half since I’d last had sex. But it had been a long time since I was treated with this much care, or been this hot and bothered for something.

Peter curled his fingers, pushing in and out, clearly feeling for my g-spot.

“Deeper,” I instructed, moaning and breathing heavily.

He pushed his fingers all the way in and curled them, hitting the sweet spot harder than I was anticipating. My back arched and I let out a sharp moan, before settling back down.

“Noted,” he mumbled, before his tongue found its way back to my clit.

He was gentle. He didn’t hit my g-spot every time his fingers moved in and out, and he kept his movements on my clit soft and slow.

And that was nice. And it felt really good.

But desperation started to build, and I needed more.

“You can, um-”

“Faster?”

“More.”

He gave me this proud smile, seemingly happy with himself for pleasing me, and went back in. His movements with his tongue were quicker now, and he started hitting my g-spot every time it was within reach.

I moaned, pulling at his hair.

He suckled on my clit, eliciting a louder moan from me. I spread my legs wider, desperate for more stimulation.

“Don’t stop.”

He pumped his fingers again, curling his fingers harder into my g-spot. I bit my lip and pulled at his hair again.

I could feel it building. And he knew how to keep it building, too.

“Peter. _Peter_.”

He suckled harder, and I could feel myself starting to reach a tipping point.

“Don’t stop. Don’t stop. I’m-”

I was too breathless to finish. My body started to tense.

And then it took hold of me, and my whole body started shaking, and I was definitely in heaven. Peter kept going at the same rhythm, until I started to relax, and then he started to slow his movements.

“How was that?” he asked, suddenly the same shy Peter Parker as always.

I laughed. “Pretty fucking great.”

He smiled, and leaned in to kiss me. “You still want me to grab that condom?”

I nodded. “Give me a couple minutes, and then absolutely.”

“Alex?”

“Yes, Peter?”

“Where are the condoms?”

“Check the drawer in the nightstand.”

Peter leaned over and opened it. Out of the corner of my eye, I could see a whole lot of foil, all different colours. “Thanks, Alex!” He looked at me. “Alright, what’s your preferred type?”

I laughed. “Ribbed condoms never hurt.”

“Ribbed it is.” He pulled out an orange packet and tore it open, rolling the condom onto himself. He wrapped a hand around his dick and moved it up and down a couple times, frowning. “That’s a weird sensation.”

“Good weird, or bad weird?”

“Good weird,” he decided, moving back towards me. “You need another minute?”

“Nope. Bring it on.”

He laughed, dropping his head, forehead resting on my shoulder. “Like the movie?”

“More cardio,” I teased.

He rolled his eyes at me. “You’re almost as ridiculous as I am.”

“You’re the one who brought up the movie!”

“Hence _almost_.”

Before I could retort, he kissed me, and maybe it was the post-orgasm bliss or the magical suite or the perfect boy, or maybe it was all of the above, but it was intoxicating.

He gently nudged my legs apart with his knees, and reluctantly broke the kiss. He held me by my hips, lifting them up a little, and then held his cock in his hand and guided the tip of his dick, rubbing it against my clit.

He looked so focused. His hair was rumpled, curls falling over his forehead, and he was just a little sweaty.

I was definitely going to fall in love with him.

He shifted, lining himself up, and started to push in. “Is this okay?”

“More than okay.”

His eyes were trained on mine as he continued to push in, achingly slow. I bit my lip, and squeezed my pelvic floor muscles.

“Oh my god, you feel good.”

“Mhm?”

“Mm.”

He lowered himself onto his forearms. I resisted the urge to jerk my hips in order to push him the rest of the way into me. Instead, I wrapped my arms around him, hands landing on his shoulder blades, and moaned.

“Fuck, Em.”

“Is that an exclamation or a declaration of what you’re doing?”

He chuckled again, burying his face in my shoulder. “You just feel really good.”

“Yeah, I’d feel better if you were all the way in.”

“I’ll speed up later. Let me enjoy this.”

I sighed, giving in. And, _fuck_ , he felt impossibly good. His cock was just thick enough to stretch me a little, making it pleasurable but not painful, and the ribbed condom added just that much more.

I slipped a hand in between us, using a finger to find my clit and circle it slowly.

His lips were pressed against my neck, planting soft, repetitive kisses, as he slowly slid the rest of the way in.

I let out a breathy moan, my head falling away to give him access.

“You’re really wet,” Peter murmured into my neck.

“What were you expecting?”

“I dunno.”

He slowly pulled out halfway, and pushed back in. I squeezed as hard as I could, and he let out a soft moan.

And boy, if I didn’t wanna flip him over and ride him as violently as I could.

He pulled away again, this time thrusting faster. Fuck, he felt good.

A rhythm started to develop, and I spread my legs as wide as I could to accommodate.

“Em.”

“Peter.”

The speed started to build, as did the volume of my moans and shouts. I started to dig my nails into his back, dragging over his skin during particularly pleasurable moments.

“Peter,” I said, “slow down for a second.”

His hips stilled. I reached down, and tried to show him how to tilt his hips.

“What are- oh. _Oh_. I get it. Like this?”

He thrusted at the new angle, and his dick was perfectly positioned to hit my g-spot.

“Yep. Riiight there.”

He thrusted again, harder, and I cried out.

“Fuck, Peter!”

He smiled to himself, and then continued to thrust, over and over again, starting slow and gentle, and building gradually.

I couldn’t contain myself. It felt way too good. My nails dug into his skin, and my eyes were squeezed shut, mouth open as I moaned his praises.

“Peter,” I moaned, voice raising in pitch and volume as my second orgasm started to take hold. “Peter! _Peter!”_

He groaned, head falling forward, thrusts more desperate that ever.

“Harder, _please_. Don’t stop.”

He kept going, even as my nails probably shredded his back, and I let out a scream I’d never even come close to making before. My legs were wrapped tightly around him, shaking and tense.

My body started to relax, and Peter slowly pulled out, kissing me softly once he had.

“Well,” I breathed, brushing hair out of my face, “that was…mindblowing.”

“Mindblowing?”

“Amazing.”

Peter grinned, sitting up and taking off the now-soiled condom. “I didn’t do anything special.”

“You cared,” I said. “You listened.”

He frowned. “That’s not that…hard.”

“No, but it’s rare. That’s the first time I’ve had sex where it wasn’t all about the guy.”

He leaned in and kissed my cheek. “As long as I have anything to say about it, it won’t be the last time, either.”

I smiled.

\---

We cleaned up and redressed, and then crawled into bed.

“Was that really mindblowing, or were you just saying that?” Peter asked, wrapping his arms around me.

“Do I seem like the type to lie to boost your ego?”

“Fair enough.” He kissed my forehead. “I’m glad you trusted me so much.”

“You made me feel safe,” I mumbled, nuzzling into him.

He hummed, holding me tighter.

And we fell asleep like that. Nuzzled together in a nest of pillows and blankets, under the stars, completely blissful.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> also hi I made a tumblr! you can visit it at https://www.tumblr.com/blog/spideychelletings  
> if you ever wanna submit ideas for future fics or chat, it's a good way to do so! you can also chat w me and get updates on fics on my twitter https://twitter.com/caramelx3ao3


	10. Chapter 10

Alex woke us up early, giving us enough time to eat the breakfast that had been delivered to our door, and take advantage of the gorgeous shower.

Peter and I went our separate ways after we left the suite, him joining the guys in the shade, and me joining the girls by the pool.

“Oooh, look who’s back!” Cassie shouted.

The girls whooped and cheered as I approached. I sat down on the edge of the pool, letting my legs dangle in the water. Penny and Cassie were in the water, whereas the other girls were sunbathing.

“How was the suite?” Penny asked.

“More importantly, how was the sex?” Aubrey added.

“Hey, a lady never kisses and tells.” Ruby had pulled her sunglasses down her nose, just enough to give Aubrey a playful stink-eye.

“This lady does,” I protested.

I launched into it. I told them about the room, how beautiful it was, about the candle and rose petals and the open ceiling. I told them about the bathtub and champagne, and Alex’s forethought to make sure we could waterproof Peter’s bandage, and the hours we spent talking in the tub.

And then, of course, I told them about the sex. Because who wouldn’t?

I spared them a few details, like the weird jokes we made in the midst of things.

I didn’t spare any part of how sweet and caring he was, the whole night, all the way to waking up to a gentle forehead kiss.

“Wait, so you knew each other in high school,” Ruby said, more of a statement than a question. I nodded. “And you had no interest in each other until now?”

I shrugged. “I always kind of brushed him off. I brushed everyone off.”

“But he liked you,” Theresa added.

I nodded.

“So he’s been waiting…eight years to fuck you,” Aubrey said. “Imagine being that wanted.”

I blinked. “Oh. Um. I guess.”

I guess I’d known that. But phrased that way…I felt weird.

How do you live up to eight years of fantasy? _Was_ I living up to it?

Last night had been great for me. It was the best sexual encounter I’d ever had. I hadn’t really known sexual encounters could be that good. I thought everyone had been exaggerating their sordid tales.

I’d never even fantasized about something like that.

But in eight years…what had he fantasized about? How did I compare to that?

“MJ, are you okay?” Penny asked.

I blinked a few times. “Yeah, yeah. Sorry.”

“Leave her alone, I don’t think she got much sleep last night,” Cassie teased, elbowing Penny.

Theresa got up from her lounge chair and sat at the edge of the pool, legs dangling in the water next to mine. “So, I have to ask you about Harry.”

I smiled, thankful for the changed subject. “Yeah, go for it.”

“Well, how well did you know him? Because I kinda get fuckboy vibes off of him, but at the same time he seems kind of…sweet, under it all.”

I nodded. “To be honest, you’d be better off asking Peter, because Peter knows him pretty well, but I can attest to him being a fuckboy. He was kind of known in high school to fuck any girl with a pulse. I used to call him the communal dick.”

Theresa looked unsurprised. “Yeah, I kind of got those vibes off of him.”

“I’m sure he’s settled down now. And at the very least, Alex will break down his fuckboy tendencies and train him to be boyfriend material.”

She laughed. “Thanks, MJ. That was just the pep talk I needed. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go track down that boy of yours and give him the third degree.”

“Be my guest.”

She got up and headed off towards the boys.

The second the distraction was gone, the uneasiness crept back in.

Maybe I’d let myself feel too safe. Maybe I wasn’t going to be enough for Peter. I hadn’t been for anyone else, why would he be different?

“You look sad,” Penny commented, wading through the water towards me.

I shrugged. “I don’t know. I’m just…overthinking.”

Penny held out her hand expectantly, so I frowned and took it. With a tug, she pulled me into the pool with a splash. I squealed.

“Penny!”

“Gotta cheer you up somehow!” She splashed and I held my hands up, trying to shield myself before I splashed her back.

\---

The next couple days passed without too much incidence for me. Mike and Penny kissed by the beach one night, and then Penny’s interest in him seemed to dissolve. Luke went for Aubrey, only for him to say the wrong thing and get a drink splashed in his face. Ruby and Owen began to hit it off. Wes and Cassie were challenged by Alex a few times, being put into workshops together while the rest of us did our own thing.

And I couldn’t shake the uneasiness.

Peter and I were curled up in bed together. I couldn’t sleep, and I wanted to go for a walk, but his arms were wrapped tightly around me, and I didn’t wanna wake him.

But then he started to talk in his sleep.

“So perfect.”

I looked at him, but he was definitely fast asleep. His brows were slightly furrowed for a moment, but then his face relaxed.

And things were still and quiet.

I stared at the ceiling, wondering who or what he was dreaming about that was so perfect.

“You’re a goddess.” His arms tightened around me, and his lips seemed to curl up at the corners. “Em.”

 _No, no no no no no._ This was it. This was the fantasy version of myself that I had to compete with.

And how do you do that? How do you compete with an idealized version of yourself that someone has created in their head and perfected over the course of eight years?

“I love you. Mmm, thanks.”

He shifted a little, burying his face in my hair, and went still.

I stared at the ceiling in silent horror. _What the fuck?_

Sleep evaded me for the rest of the night.

\---

After breakfast, I went for a jog along the beach with Cassie and Aubrey. It was a nice day. Breezy, warm, sunny.

We stopped after about half an hour, sitting at the water’s edge and catching our breath.

“Feels good to get back into it,” Aubrey panted.

I nodded. Cassie shook her head.

“Speak for yourself. Some of us hate cardio.”

I laughed, despite the lack of oxygen in my lungs.

We started to walk back towards the main area, and I saw Theresa and Peter sitting on lounge chair, chatting with each other. Theresa laughed and leaned closer to him.

I took a deep breath. It was nothing. She just wanted to talk to Peter about Harry.

_“Well, Peter’s cute, but I think we all know he’s smitten with MJ.”_

Oh, no. This was it.

“MJ?”

I ignored Cassie and walked towards the main building.

I took a shower, trying to clear my head, but that didn’t work.

Maybe it was for the best. Maybe I’d let my guard down too quick and scared him off. Maybe you can’t build a relationship on eight years of fantasy.

If it fell apart now, it’d save me the pain of it falling apart months or years down the line.

“MJ?” Peter’s voice came from outside the showers. “Are you in there?”

“Yeah.”

“Can I come in?”

“Sure.”

I saw him through the glass of the shower. And everything I’d been telling myself melted away. I really didn’t want it to fall apart.

“You looked upset. I just wanted to check that you were okay.”

“Can we talk about it when I’m not shaving my legs?” I asked.

Peter sat down against the wall, turning away. “Did I do something?”

“So that’s a no.” I rinsed off my razor and went back to shaving.

“MJ, seriously.”

“Do you like Theresa?” I blurted.

He looked at me, surprised. “What?”

“You two just seemed…really friendly.”

“I- no, she was asking me about Harry, and we got chatting. That’s all that happened. Are you jealous of Theresa?”

I didn’t know how to answer that. Because it was a complicated answer. I wasn’t so much jealous of Theresa as I was jealous of the version of myself that I knew existed in his head that I could never compare to.

“I don’t- no.”

“What’s going on, Em?”

“It’s stupid.”

He sighed. “I really want this to work, MJ. You and me. But I need to know what’s wrong if I’m going to try to fix it.”

I finished shaving my leg and rinsed off my razor before I answered. “You’ve seriously liked me since we were sixteen?”

“Yeah.”

“So you’ve been fantasizing for years. Building up a version of me in your head.”

“Wha- MJ.”

“You were talking in your sleep last night. And you said I was perfect and a goddess. And that you loved me. But you’ve only really known me for a little less than two weeks.”

“I said all that?”

I nodded, taking my hair out of a bun and starting to rinse the conditioner out.

He was speechless. He just stared at the floor.

“There’s this version you have of me in your head. And it’s based on what you perceived of me when we were in high school, and idealized to fit what you want or need out of someone. But that’s not me. And I don’t know how to compete with that.”

He was silent. I rinsed my hair and body, and then turned off the water, wrapping myself in a towel as I got out of the shower. He stood up, blocking me before I could leave.

“You don’t have to compete with it,” Peter said softly. “You never did.”

“Peter-”

“No, that’s the thing. You’re right. There’s a version of you I’ve built up in my head over the years. But I don’t think it’s as idealized as you think.”

I stared at him.

“You’re way better than the way I imagined you.”

“You don’t have to-”

“No, MJ, I’m serious. You’re funny and smart and artistic, and I knew all of that. But I remembered you more awkward and closed off. And that’s not really who you are anymore. And-and whether you realize it or not, you’re confident. And-and _spunky_ , and vulnerable. And I have way more fun with you than I ever really thought I could, including the other night in the private suite. It’s nothing like I ever imagined it. And that’s the beauty of it. You surprised me and you’re nothing like the version of you I built up, and that’s the best part.”

Tears welled in my eyes.

“Will you be my girlfriend?” Peter asked, voice soft and vulnerable.

“I- we won’t be able to touch.”

“I know.” He pulled me into a hug. “But you’ll know I’m committed.”

“Better make this hug count, then, huh?”

He squeezed me tighter, for a few moments, and then pulled away just enough to look at me. Before I could say anything, he leaned in, kissing me.

That kiss could’ve lasted three seconds or three lifetimes, and I wouldn’t have known the difference. I was completely and utterly lost in it.

And then he pulled away, looking at me with a faint smile and hope in his eyes. “So?”

“Yes, Peter Parker. I’ll be your girlfriend.”

And we stepped apart. 


	11. Chapter 11

Not touching Peter was harder than I thought it’d be. I figured it’d be like Andy, where it just meant we didn’t kiss or have sex or hold hands.

But it was different with Peter. Every time I looked at him I wanted to touch him. I wanted to hug him or slip my hand into his or press my lips to his.

I finally got what Alex was trying to do.

When we went to bed that night, I propped a spare pillow between us, so we wouldn’t cuddle in our sleep.

We laid there, facing each other, as everyone got settled in and Mike turned the lights off.

“This is hard,” Peter whispered, but his face didn’t reflect his words.

“Then wipe that smile off your face.”

He grinned, turning his face into his pillow. “I’m just really happy you’re my girlfriend.”

I found myself smiling involuntarily.

“Hey, lovebirds, you’re cute and all, but go the _fuck_ to sleep!” Wes said.

“Yeah, we’re very happy for you, but we’ll be grumpy if we don’t get some sleep,” Theresa added.

“Alright, alright,” I conceded. “Goodnight!”

A chorus of “Goodnight!”s rose from the others, and then the room fell silent.

“Goodnight,” Peter breathed, brown eyes sparkling in the dark.

The night seemed to last forever. I’d sleep for an hour or so, and then wake up, only to see Peter, fast asleep, smiling faintly in his sleep.

But I didn’t feel restless. I’d just lay there, watching Peter, and slowly drift off again.

When morning rolled around, I was more than happy to finally get up and go to breakfast. All twelve of us sat around a table, eating some delicious fresh waffles with peaches and whipped cream.

“So, MJ, what’s it like to be on your second relationship of the retreat?” Cassie teased.

I grinned, looking at Peter. “A lot better than the first one, I can tell you that.”

“Aw, that’s adorable, now stop it,” Aubrey said. “Some of us are still single.”

“Most of us,” Penny corrected.

Aubrey shot her a look I couldn’t exactly read, but it looked almost like…longing?

We finished up at breakfast, and Alex instructed us to head down to the beach.

There was a tall Japanese woman standing by the water, and a pile of ropes laying on a towel next to her.

“Oh, boy,” I breathed.

“This is about to get kinky, isn’t it?” Wes asked, looking excited.

Cassie shook her head, smiling despite herself. “It’s only been two weeks without sex, Wes, get a hold of yourself.”

We got down to the beach, and introduced ourselves to the woman on the beach.

“It’s lovely to meet you all,” she said, with a big welcoming smile. “My name is Sora. Today, we’ll be working on shibari, which is, as I’m sure you suspect from the pile of rope, a form of bondage. We’ll be working on trust, communication, and boundaries using shibari. Let’s get you into partners, shall we? Luke and Mike, you’ll be partnered. Luke, you’re the rigger.”

“Uh, the what?”

Sora looked at him a moment. “The top.”

Mike blushed bright red, and Luke just laughed it off, taking the rope from Sora. “Glad someone sees it.”

“Aubrey and Penny, you’ll be partnered. Aubrey, you’ll be the rigger.”

Aubrey took a rope, and they moved off to the side, finding a spot to occupy.

“Cassie, you’ll be Wes’s rigger. Don’t worry, you’re allowed to touch without any penalty during this workshop.”

Wes wiggled his eyebrows at her. She laughed and took a rope.

“Ruby and Owen. Ruby, you’ll be rigging.” As Ruby went and took a rope, Sora continued, “Harry and Theresa. Theresa will be rigging. Peter and MJ. Peter, you’ll be rigging.”

My heart jumped up into my throat.

“Now, remember, this exercise is about trust and communication. The first step is to find out what the boundaries are. Riggers, ask your partner about any past physical injuries they’ve had, or if there are any areas they don’t want tied around or accentuated.”

Peter took the rope and headed back to me. “Hey, you looked a little freaked out. Are you okay?”

I took a deep breath. “Yeah. I guess I just wish I was rigging, but it’s okay. I trust you.”

Peter reached out to touch my arm, and thought better of it at the last second. “You sure? I’m sure we can ask Sora-”

“No, no, it’s okay. I at least wanna try.”

He nodded. “Well, do you have any areas you don’t want tied around?”

I found myself swallowing hard, hands instinctively going to my neck. “I-”

“I get it. You don’t need to explain.” Peter gave me a comforting smile. “No neck tying. Seems dangerous anyways.”

I was one lucky girl, wasn’t I?

“Let your partner know of any areas you’re uncomfortable being touched in general. Riggers, make sure you respect these boundaries.”

I shook my head. “I’m pretty sure you’ve touched every inch of my body at this point, what’s a little more?”

Peter blushed. “Em!”

“It’s true!”

He laughed. It sounded like music.

“Riggers, start trying at the major muscle groups, closer to the centre of the body, and work out to the extremities. Keep checking in as you go, make sure there’s no numbness or cold sensations beginning.”

Peter looked at me, then the rope in his hands. “Alright. Here we go.”

He started tying me up, rope crossing over my chest and tying in the back.

I kept reminding myself that this was safe. Peter was safe. This was controlled.

I trusted him. And slowly, I relaxed into it.

There was something reassuring about the ropes.

Or maybe it was the brushes of Peter’s skin against mine as he tied intricate knots against my back.

He pulled my arms back and tied them behind my back.

“Is this okay? Not too tight?” he asked, leaning over my shoulder, breath warm against my ear as he tied my wrists together.

“It’s okay,” I assured him.

Gently, he guided me onto my knees. “Sorry, I just don’t want you to fall.”

I laughed lightly, trying to diffuse some of the tension. “It’s alright.”

He kneeled in front of me, biting his tongue between his front teeth as he pulled the rope around me, tying it around my thighs, knotting it on either side of my legs.

“You’re pretty good at this,” I teased, adding in a wink when his eyes flitted up to mine.

His skin flushed pink. “Don’t tempt me.”

I laughed. “Well, now I really want to.”

He narrowed his eyes at me, and he was completely incapable of being intimidating.

I leaned in, which required much more core strength than I thought it would, until my lips were right next to his ear. “I bet you wish you could pick me up, rope and all, and head back to the private suite, huh?”

“Okay,” he said, pulling back. His Adam’s apple bobbed as he swallowed.

I didn’t have to look down to know what was making an appearance.

“Sora, am I allowed to gag her?”

“If you have her consent, yes.”

He looked at me. I raised an eyebrow, daring him.

He started to move the rope to gag me, and then stopped. “Nope. Can’t do it.”

I was about to reassure him, but just as I opened my mouth, he swung the rope in, wrapping it around the back of my head and then pulled it through my mouth again.

“Gotcha.” He leaned in and kissed my cheek, before finishing off with a couple more ties.

Sora came through and checked everyone, making sure we were safe, that our hands and feet weren’t numb. She checked and made sure I was okay, and when I nodded, she moved onto Aubrey and Penny, who were intricately tied together, quite literally locked in an embrace.

Peter brushed some of my hair away from my face, tucking it behind my ears. “You still okay?”

I nodded.

He kept playing with my hair, braiding pieces and then unravelling them. I closed my eyes.

“You look relaxed.”

“Uh-huh.” I was muffled by the ropes, but it was clear enough that he understood.

He kept playing with my hair, and I resisted the urge to lean into him, knowing I’d fall over if I did.

“You all did such a good job! Riggers, you may untie your partners.”

Peter started untying, ungagging me first, before moving onto the rest of the knots.

“The rope tastes weird,” I said.

“It’s conditioned with olive oil,” Sora informed me, smiling as she walked by us.

Peter laughed a little. “I have you hogtied and your first thought is about the taste of the rope?” The ties around my arms came loose, and I shook out my wrists.

“Well, did you wanna hear my actual first thoughts?” I teased.

He blushed again, and fell silent as he untied my legs.

Once I was untied, Sora came around and collected our rope. One by one, everyone was freed, and we were instructed to face each other and make eye contact.

Peter’s eyes had a strange sort of vulnerability to them. I offered him a small smile, which he returned, eyes crinkling at the corners.

Before I knew it, I was smiling bigger, and he was too.

“Share your experiences with each other, maintaining eye contact,” Sora directed.

I shifted my weight from one hip to the other. “Uh, you can go first, if you want,” I told him, suddenly nervous to open up.

He cleared his throat. “Um, well, it was kind of…fun, I guess. It was weird at first, to have you in a really…really vulnerable position, but I wasn’t as nervous as I probably would’ve been if it weren’t you. And I was worried I’d bring up some bad memories or something for you, but you looked really relaxed, so that was cool. It was nice to be trusted like that.”

I smiled. “It was nice to be able to trust someone like that. It-” I started to tear up. “Wow, I don’t know why I’m getting emotional,” I laughed.

Peter stepped closer, opening his arms. I let him pull me into a hug, resting my chin on his shoulder and squeezing my eyes shut.

“Thank you,” I breathed.

“For what?”

I laughed a little, despite the tears running down my cheeks. “I feel really safe with you, and it’s a new feeling, but I really like it.”

“I really like you,” Peter responded, squeezing me tighter and pressing a kiss to my shoulder.

“I really like you, too.”


	12. Chapter 12

After the shibari workshop, a lot of us were worn out. The twelve of us spent the day lounging around by the pool, chatting idly and sunbathing.

I was more than happy to relax. It had taken way more out of me than I thought, and I wanted to ignore that I was back to not touching Peter. So I laid in the sun, sharing my sunscreen with Ruby as promised, thinking about all the things Peter and I could do when we got back to New York. Mini golf. MoMa dates. Walks through Central Park. Going roller skating, or to the arcade.

“Whatcha smiling about, MJ?” Penny asked.

I opened my eyes, immediately blinded by the sun. “Just thinking about New York.”

“Nuh-uh,” Ruby interjected. “Nobody smiles like that about New York.”

Peter looked at me from across the pool.

“She’s smiling again!” Penny grinned as I scowled at her.

“Ooh, she’s thinking about Peter,” Cassie added.

I rolled my eyes. “Are you guys capable of shutting the fuck up?”

“Definitely thinking about bringing those ropes into the bedroom,” Theresa quipped.

“Okay, guys,” I said, “let’s move on.”

“I think you’re gonna have to tell them what you were thinking about.” Peter had a bold twinkle in his eye.

“You know, Parker, I don’t know if I like all this confidence from you.”

“Ooh,” Aubrey murmured. The guys were all looking at each other.

“You seemed to like it earlier,” Peter said, running his hand through his hair.

Oh. He was just as embarrassed as I was.

“Alright, Peter, you wanna know?”

“Yeah.”

“Come over here.”

A chorus of “oooh”s rose from the peanut gallery.

I held eye contact with Peter, waiting for him to either cross over to me or lay back down and continue to sunbathe.

“Remember the money,” Owen told Peter.

Peter’s eyes didn’t leave mine.

I know I said otherwise, but I liked Peter’s growing boldness. It was _fun_.

“You’re right,” Peter said, relaxing back onto his lounge chair.

I coughed. “Wuss.”

No reaction.

I laid back down, gathering my hair and pulling it over one shoulder so it wouldn’t tickle my back.

“Say what you want, MJ, you’re subconsciously getting ready to give some h-”

I reached over and smacked Ruby (lightly) before she could finish.

We continued to lay in the sun for another twenty minutes, before Luke and Mike started teasing each other, and Luke pushed Mike into the pool.

All bets were off. Aubrey managed to push Penny into the pool, Penny grabbing her and pulling her in after her. Cassie and Ruby came over to me.

“Oh, no, no no no-”

They picked me up and swung me, letting me go flying into the pool. I surfaced just in time to see Cassie get pulled in by Ruby.

Harry did the same to Theresa, picking her up and tossing her into the pool, jumping in after her.

Peter, Owen, and Wes jumped in of their own volition, Peter grabbing a beach ball off the pool deck before he got in.

I pulled my now-wet hair into a bun as the guys started to bat the beach ball around. After a the ball had come to him and he’d batted it off a couple times, Peter made his way over to me.

“How are you feeling?”

I smiled. “I’m good.” It felt good to know he cared enough to check up on me, hours after the shibari workshop.

“Promise?”

“Promise.”

“Heads up!” Owen called, and Peter raised a hand just in time to hit the ball back towards the other guys.

Peter turned back to me. “Were you really thinking about New York earlier?”

I nodded. “More about the stuff we can do when we get back to New York. Walks through Central Park, going to the MoMa, stuff like that.”

He started to step closer, but I stepped back. “Oh. Right.”

“I know.”

He glanced back towards the other end of the pool. Cassie and Theresa had joined in on hitting the beach ball around. “Shall we?”

“After you.”

I followed him over to the others, and joined in. Eventually, the other girls joined in, and all twelve of us were goofing off, whacking the ball around, trying to do tricks, and just generally having fun.

Eventually, it got hit too hard, and flew away from the pool. Peter climbed out of the pool, running after it. The beach ball hit a wicker ottoman, and popped. _Loudly_. I flinched, but Peter damn near jumped out of his skin.

And then he just stood there, frozen.

I pushed past everyone and climbed out of the pool, going over to him. As I got closer, I realized he was shaking.

”Peter? Are you okay?”

“I-I just- I need-”

And then he just stopped, and walked off towards the main building.

“Peter!” I chased him, but he was walking faster than I thought, and I was still dripping water and scared to slip.

I went after him, following him into the boy’s bathroom. By the time I got in there, he was sitting against the wall, head leaning back, eyes closed, brows pulled together.

I kneeled in front of him. “Hey.”

He looked at me, eyes full of tears. “I’m sorry.”

“Why are you sorry? You didn’t do anything wrong.”

He shook his head, squeezing his eyes shut. Tears streaked down his face. “You have enough to deal with, you don’t need my baggage, too.”

My heart sank. “Hey, do you remember what you told me the other day? That you need to know what’s wrong in order to fix it?”

Peter nodded, still shaking. He took in a deep breath. “My uncle was shot in freshman year.” His eyes met mine. They were pink and glassy, and all I wanted to do was hug him. “It was stupid. Some convenience store robber. U-uncle Ben was just…in the wrong place at the wrong time. And I was just a few minutes too late. I heard the gunshot, and I tried to keep him alive, but he- I couldn’t save him.”

He hung his head, and his body shook as he sobbed.

“Alex, am I allowed to hug him?” I asked.

The familiar, disembodied voice came from above. “No. Your challenge is to comfort him without touching him.”

I sighed. “Damn.”

“It’s okay, Em,” Peter assured me, voice shaking. “Thanks for being here.”

I smiled, as comfortingly as possible. “Of course.”

We sat there for another couple minutes before I realized how tightly Peter was hugging himself.

“Hold on, I’ll be right back,” I promised.

He nodded, wiping at his cheek.

I ran back out to the pool. “Guys, I need you to come hug Peter for me!”

“What?” Mike called back.

“Just come on!”

One by one, the others climbed out of the pool and followed me towards where Peter was sitting in the bathroom. I lead them in, and Wes approached Peter first, offering him a hand and helping him to his feet, and then pulled him into a hug. The others started to join in on the hug, and I waited until everyone else had globbed onto the group hug to join.

Take that, Alex, I don’t need to touch Peter, I can hug him with a buffer of ten other people between us.

\---

Later that night, Alex had us all gather around the fire pit.

“Good evening, all. Today was a very eventful day. Let’s talk about the shibari workshop first. Luke and Mike, you two did a great job of putting aside your discomfort and learning to trust and communicate with each other. You’ve each earned two thousand dollars. Mike, your funds now stand at nine thousand dollars. Luke, yours stand at twelve thousand.”

The two high fived.

“Aubrey and Penny. You showed great growth in getting comfortable with each other. You have also each earned two thousand dollars.”

Aubrey and Penny leaned into each other, grinning, as Alex told them their new fund totals.

Alex continued through each pair, awarding each pair two thousand dollars. And then she arrived at Peter and I.

“MJ, you had a big challenge. Trusting Peter to tie you up despite your past. However, you two communicated very well, and even managed to keep things fun and flirty. Peter, you showed a lot of understanding, and made sure to check in consistently with MJ. You have both earned five thousand dollars. Your prize funds now both stand at twenty thousand dollars.”

Peter and I looked at each other, wide eyed.

“Holy shit,” I mumbled.

“Hey, you guys earned it,” Cassie said, nudging me. “I’m proud of you.”

The others chimed in, letting us know how proud they were of us, how we’d earned it. I teared up a bit, and leaned into Cassie, wrapping my arms around her.

“Thanks, guys.”

Alex interrupted our little lovefest. “Let’s move on to this afternoon. You all pitched in and comforted Peter when he was upset. All twelve of you have earned another two thousand dollars.”

“Woo!” Penny cried out.

Cassie and I chuckled to ourselves, watching Penny as she ran around the circle, high-fiving all of us.

“One last thing before you’re all free to go to bed,” Alex said. “Aubrey and Penny, you have earned a night in the private suite.”

A couple of the guys looked at each other, confused.

Oh, men.

Aubrey and Penny were looking at each other and blushing.

“Have fun, guys!” I said, as they took each others hands and started to head off.

“Get it!” Ruby added, laughing when Penny turned and stuck a tongue out at her.

Once they’d disappeared, the ten of us had a couple drinks by the fire, and then slowly headed off to bed.

Peter and I crawled into bed together, propping pillows up between us again.

“You feeling okay?” I asked softly.

“Yeah. You?”

“Yeah.”

He stared at me. “I really wish I could kiss you right now. Or cuddle you.”

“God, I would kill for some cuddles.”

He smiled. “Goodnight, Em.”

“Goodnight.”


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this one's really short but it's just pure fluff!!! hopefully y'all enjoy :)

Aubrey and Penny came out of the private suite just after breakfast, both of them grinning ear-to-ear and holding hands.

The other girls and I were sitting around the fire pit, theorizing about what kind of workshop the guys were doing. They were behind the main building, in the grassy, meadow-y area, and every so often we heard them all yelling.

Slowly, however, our attention turned to Aubrey and Penny, as they made their way too us, leaning into each other as they did.

“Ooh, they fucked last night,” Ruby remarked.

Theresa chimed in. “Definitely.”

“Guys,” I hissed, “shut up and let them _tell_ us.”

Cassie stifled laughter, and I smacked her arm lightly.

“Morning!” Penny called cheerfully, bounding over to us, Aubrey jogging to keep up.

“Hi!” Ruby waved.

“How was your night?” Theresa asked.

Aubrey sat down and pulled her hair up into a ponytail. “That suite is beautiful. Seriously, MJ, I don’t know how you ever left.”

“The ceiling is amazing, right?” I said.

Penny nodded. “There is nothing better than falling asleep under the stars like that.”

There was a lull in the conversation, as I suppose we were all wondering about what actually happened between them last night.

“So, are you guys glowing because it’s hot out, or because you had orgasms last night?” Ruby blurted. Cassie smacked her arm, giving her a scolding look.

Aubrey and Penny were laughing.

“Bit of both,” Aubrey admitted.

“Don’t forget this morning,” Penny added. They giggled and leaned into each other.

I opened my mouth to say something, but another chorus of shouts rose from the meadow behind the main building.

“What are they doing back there?” Penny asked.

“My theory is each other,” I said.

“Well, you’d know what Peter sounds like during sex.” Theresa raised an eyebrow at me, unable to hide her amusement.

I laughed. “That’s a fair point.”

The men ran out from behind the main building, and into the ocean, splashing each other and laughing.

“I wonder what that’s all about,” Cassie mused.

I watched Peter as he brushed his wet hair back and shook off a little, laughing as Wes splashed him.

Oh, the things I’d do for another night in the suite.

The things I’d _do_ during said hypothetical night in the suite.

\---

After lunch, Peter, Cassie, Wes and I were all lounging in the shade.

“So, what was that workshop all about?” Cassie asked. “All we caught was a lot of yelling.”

Wes and Peter looked at each other, both of them hesitating.

“It was…weird,” Peter said. They both nodded, and seemed to be done with it.

I looked at Cassie. She shrugged.

After a moment, Wes sighed. “No, this is exactly what we’re not supposed to do.”

Peter squeezed his eyes shut. “You’re right.”

“Ugh, why is it so hard?”

“Why is what so hard?” I asked.

Peter took a breath in. “It was a workshop on vulnerability.”

I blinked. “Oh.”

“Specifically, being vulnerable in front of other men,” Wes added. “And the way we did it in the workshops was by writing it down or yelling.”

Cassie frowned, confused. “I’m sorry, how is yelling vulnerable?”

“Oh, it’s not,” Peter said quickly. “But a lot of us felt really tense after all the quiet talking and being-being vulnerable, so it helped release some of that tension.”

I looked at Cassie. “Well, that’s better than the way we thought you guys were releasing tension.”

Cassie laughed as the guys looked at each other, gears turning in their heads.

“Hey!” Wes protested. Cassie and I laughed harder.

The four of us lazed around in the shade for a while longer, before eventually, Alex’s familiar chime went off above our heads.

“Peter and MJ, there is champagne and fruit with your name on it by the hot tub.”

I looked at Peter. “There’s a hot tub?”

“By the meadow,” he said.

“Would you two like to partake?” Alex asked.

“Hell yeah.”

“Of course,” Peter added.

Cassie and Wes wished us a good date, and we headed off towards the hot tub.

“That was nice of Alex,” I remarked.

Peter smiled. “I may have asked her a favour.”

“Dork.”

We got to the hot tub and slid in. Peter poured us glasses of champagne, and handed me mine.

“I feel like we should toast,” I said, “I just don’t know what.”

“Let’s just clink glasses and pretend we toasted.”

I smiled. “I’ll toast to that.” We clinked glasses, and took sips.

We started picking at the fruit and talking. At first, we were talking about home, missing New York, how nice it would be to get back.

“So, uh, what exactly happened during that workshop?” I asked. “I mean, obviously you don’t have to tell me everything, I’m just curious.”

Peter chuckled a little. “It was kind of weird. We had to write down our fears, and then our wants. And then let our partner read it.”

I leaned a little closer, whether I meant to or not. “How’d it go?”

“It was actually kind of nice. I guess I realized that I don’t really confront those things often, much less out loud, much less to other guys. So-so it was kind of…like breaking down a barrier I didn’t know I had. And it felt…really…good.”

I bit back a smile, resisted the urge to kiss him. “That’s good. You seem relaxed.”

He let out a sigh, and beamed. “Yeah, I guess I am.”

He really was gorgeous. Perfect smile, subtle dimples, eyes crinkling at the corners, hair still damp and flopping over his forehead. I wanted so badly to brush the hair away from his forehead, lean in, wrap my arms around him and nuzzle into him.

How quickly can you fall in love with someone? Was that what this was? Is that even biochemically possible?

“Whatcha thinking about?”

“You’re beautiful,” I said, too fast.

He flushed pink, and chuckled, looking down and rubbing the back of his neck. “Thank you.” He looked back at me, smile falling with his hand. “You’re pretty beautiful yourself.”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You’re practicing that whole vulnerability thing, aren’t you?”

“Is it working?”

I laughed, and took another sip of champagne. “I think you have to be the one to make that call.”

“Fair point.” He moved a little closer. “It feels like it’s working.”

“How so?”

“Well,” he said, “I feel really close to you. And I’m not scared. I just feel…good.”

I grabbed some grapes off the platter Alex had set next to the hot tub. “Shall we?” I dangled the grapes over Peter’s head.

“Are you serious?”

“Dead.”

He rolled his eyes, despite his smile, and tilted his head back to bite at the grapes.

That’s how we spent the rest of the afternoon. Talking, sipping champagne, goofing off, eating fruit.

It was maybe the best date I’d ever been on.


	14. Chapter 14

The next week and a bit passed, once again, with out too much incidence. Peter and I were partnered for workshops, and went on dates. Things were progressing nicely. And despite the physical distance we were putting between ourselves, I felt closer and closer to him as time went on.

As for the others, Ruby and Owen had hit a few snags. They had some differences they weren’t anticipating, but were doing a good job of working through them. Aubrey and Penny had clumsily asked each other to be their girlfriends while all of us were drunk one night. Harry and Theresa were moving slowly, both of them too proud to admit they had feelings first. Wes and Cassie were a-okay, as per usual.

And Luke and Mike? They were proving to be ride or die bros. It was honestly really sweet to watch them develop a friendship. Luke had comforted Mike over Penny, Mike had comforted Luke over Aubrey, and they’d KILLED some workshops together.

The fourth week of the retreat seemed to bring some…tension. We all knew Alex was going to do something, we just didn’t know what it was.

Until the third day of the fourth week. We had four nights, five days left. As the sun began to set, Alex called us to the firepit for an announcement.

We gathered around, sitting on the logs. Cassie and Penny and I shared a log.

“Do you think it’s gonna be a workshop?” Penny looked concerned, glancing to Aubrey on the next log.

I shook my head. “Too late in the evening. Maybe there was a rule break.”

Before Cassie could throw in her two cents, the speaker lit up, a familiar chime playing.

“Good evening, all. There is a special challenge this evening.”

Cassie and I exchanged a look.

“One couple will be sharing a private suite tonight. However, the rules are different tonight. While in the private suite, no physical contact is allowed. If the rules are obeyed, their winnings will be doubled. If the rules are broken, the prize funds will be forfeited in their entirety.”

“Oh, shit,” Luke remarked.

“The couple who will be sharing a private suite tonight is…”

My eyes drifted to Peter.

“Ruby and Owen.”

I dropped my gaze, and then shook off my disappointment. We wished them a good night, and watched them walk off.

The rest of us spent the rest of the evening by the pool, and eventually went to bed.

I laid down next to Peter. “Do you think we’ll all have to do the challenge?”

Peter gave me an unsure smile. “Including tonight, there’s four nights left. There’re five couples. I don’t think there’s another private suite.”

“Do you think you and I will have to?”

“I don’t know, Em.”

I smiled at him. “You’re really cute.”

Even in the dark, I could see his cheeks flush pink. He closed his eyes and shook his head. “Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Peter.”

\---

The next morning, Alex informed us that Ruby and Owen had doubled their winnings. When they came out and joined us, they were both beaming ear to ear.

Ruby sat down with Cassie and I after breakfast, and recounted all their late night conversation with a dreamy smile on her face, giggling and blushing at points in her story. Apparently, over breakfast, Owen had not only asked her to be his girlfriend, but had also asked her to move in. Ruby was ecstatic, and kept fantasizing aloud about their future place.

I couldn’t help but let my mind wander. Would Peter and I last after the retreat was over? Would we eventually move in? Would I wake up to him every morning, and fall asleep with him every night?

“Earth to MJ.”

I jumped. “Sorry.”

“If you stare any harder at Peter, you’re gonna bore a hole in his back,” Cassie said gently.

“Wishing for a night of your own in the suite?” Ruby asked.

I shook off the daydream. “Something like that.”

That evening, Alex called us all to the firepit again.

“Alright, give it to us straight, Alex,” Mike said. “Who’s the lucky pair?”

“Tonight, the couple spending the night in the private suite is…”

Alex paused. Once again, I found myself looking to Peter.

I wondered what we’d talk about the whole night. The future, or the past? Would I tell him more, talk about my family and my friends, my dreams and fears and needs and wants?

Would we cave, and spend our prize funds?

I found my mind drifting to the last night we spent in the private suite. To some…less than PG activities.

“Theresa and Harry.”

I blinked.

We wished them a good night, and after they left, we had a few drinks before heading inside.

Cassie and I were in the bathroom, washing our faces before bed.

“Do you think they’ll be able to abstain?” Cassie wondered.

I shook my head, wiping at the concealer under my eyes. “Knowing Harry, no chance in hell.”

“Knowing Theresa…”

I snorted. “Exactly.”

\---

The next morning rolled around and, surprise surprise, Theresa and Harry had lost their prize money. Harry laughed it off.

It made sense, I guess. A few grand was nothing to him. That’s what happens if you’re the child of a billionaire.

Theresa told us girls the very intimate details of their night together. Apparently, she had to teach him a few tricks, but once she did…

There were two more nights. I really doubted Peter and I were going to get a night in the suite.

But the more I listened to Theresa, the more I wanted that night with Peter.

\---

That evening, as we all gathered around the fire, Peter and I took up a log to ourselves.

“Do you think we’ll get the suite tonight?” he asked.

I shook my head. “My vote’s on Cassie and Wes.”

Peter looked down, then back at me. “Hey, either way, we’re back home in a couple days, and we can spend as many days alone as we want.”

Despite my disappointment, I smiled. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Alex’s familiar chime played, and the speaker lit up. “Good evening, all. I’m sure you’re all wondering who will be occupying the private suite tonight.”

“Yeah, just a bit,” Wes said.

“Well, Wes, I could do without the sass,” Alex retorted, in her monotone robotic voice.

I raised my eyebrows at Wes. He held up his hands in surrender. “Sorry, Alex.”

“Apology accepted. Now, without further ado, the couple that will spend tonight in the private suite is…”

I bit my lip. It wasn’t going to be us, and I knew it.

“Aubrey and Penny.”

I congratulated them with a smile, and we all cheered them on as they made their way towards the private suite.

The others wanted to stay by the fire pit and have a few drinks, but I decided I just needed to turn in early.

As I was washing my face, Peter came in.

“Can I ask you something?” he asked, voice soft.

I nodded.

“Why is this whole private suite thing bothering you so much?”

I shrugged.

“MJ, seriously.”

I sighed, and wiped down my face with a cloth. “I don’t know. I think that we’ve just…worked really hard on our relationship. Like a ton on trust and intimacy and everything. And I know that the others have, too, but it just feels like everyone else is being rewarded for it except for us.”

Peter didn’t say anything, and my own words started to sink in.

“Oh, god, I sound so fucking entitled and bitchy-”

“No, no no no no no. That’s not- no, you don’t sound entitled or-or bitchy, Em.”

“I kind of do.”

Peter ran a hand down his face. “Okay. Um, I-I don’t know what to say. Because, honestly, I feel the same. And it’s kind of shitty.”

“It’s a first world problem,” I said with a shrug.

“Yeah, I suppose it is.”

He leaned against the bathroom counter. “We’re home in a couple days. It’s fine.”

“It’s not even that I’m so hung up on the idea of a night with you. I mean, we’re sleeping in the same bed, that’s not gonna change. It’s just the…opportunity, I guess.”

Peter nodded. “Yeah.”

I gave him a half-smile. “Do you wanna go for a walk? Go bee-gazing?”

He laughed. “Bee-gazing?”

“I said what I said.”

He shook his head, still laughing. “My dorkiness is rubbing off on you.”

“Oh, shut up.”

“Come on, let’s go.”

And we walked along the beach, side-by-side, resisting the damn-near magnetic attraction between our fingers. 


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yet another smut chapter. sorry not sorry ;)
> 
> also, there's some (very, very light) bdsm content in this chapter (bit of dominating language, use of a flogger) so if that's something that triggers you, please be aware of that and take care of yourself!

It was the second last morning of the retreat. Aubrey and Penny came back from the private suite, twice as rich as they were before their night alone.

The girls and I spent the day either in the pool or by the pool, drinking mocktails in the morning and switching to cocktails after lunch. The boys were down by the water, playing volleyball.

“It feels weird that things are winding down right now,” Aubrey remarked. “You’d think they’d want Devotion to end with a bang.”

“Well, seeing as how you guys didn’t bang last night-”

Aubrey splashed me, and I laughed, throwing my hands up to protect my face from the assault.

“Don’t shoot the messenger!”

“Don’t remind me I didn’t get any!”

I laughed again. “You and everyone else.”

“Almost everyone else,” Theresa corrected, lowering her sunglasses to wink at me.

Aubrey splashed me again.

“I agree, though,” Theresa said, getting off the lounge chair and slipping into the pool. “It feels too calm.”

“Yeah, this challenge doesn’t feel big enough,” Cassie added. “Like, all you have to do is continue to do what you’ve been doing for the past month? Cool.”

“Guys, don’t provoke Alex,” Ruby interrupted. “She’s gonna pull out the big guns if y’all keep talking shit.”

“Good!” Theresa said. “We need some spice.”

“I thought you got your dose of spice the other night,” Penny retorted.

Theresa laughed, flipping her hair over her shoulder. “Well, I suppose you’re right.”

We got to teasing Theresa about her sex life, and all hung out in the pool until dinner.

Dinner was a big spread. Steaks, ribs, chicken, shrimp, pasta, garlic bread, roasted veggies, potatoes in every form. All of us gathered behind the main building, where there was a buffet and a big round table set up for all of us, with a canopy overhead wrapped in fairy lights.

I sat between Peter and Cassie with my plate, and Peter poured me a glass of champagne.

“Alright, guys,” Wes said, standing up, raising his glass. “I know we still have tomorrow together, but I have to say something. Getting to know all of you the last month has been…really great. I feel like we’ve all grown so much, both as individuals, and as partners, and I’m so proud of us all. And, moreover, I’m gonna miss you guys.”

Owen raised his glass. “Hear, hear!”

We all clinked, and drank.

Peter leaned over. “I’m proud of us, too,” he said quietly.

I smiled.

We dug in, spending the dinner reminiscing, joking, and reflecting.

And after dinner, the familiar chime played from above.

“Good evening, all, did you enjoy your dinner?” Alex asked.

“Yes, ma’am,” Cassie responded, to which we all chuckled.

“I have good news tonight. I was able to open one more private suite. Peter and MJ, Cassie and Wes, you will all be able to spend a night in a private suite.”

“Oh, shit,” I mumbled.

“No kidding,” Cassie added.

“Now, a quick refresher. You will not be allowed sexual or physical contact. Succeeding in this challenge will mean doubled prize funds. Failure will mean depleted prize funds. This is a chance for you to bond further, to solidify the foundation of your relationship, so it can be successful in the real world.”

I looked at Peter. “You gotta promise not to touch me. I could really use an extra twenty-two grand.”

“Couldn’t we all?”

“Cassie and Wes, I will help you locate the other private suite. After I do so, I will be unavailable to all four of you until you leave the suites in the morning.”

Cassie glanced at me, frowning, but didn’t say anything.

“Peter and MJ, you may go to the private suite.”

We stood up. Our friends cheered, whooped, and made some suggestive remarks as we headed off.

The private suite was just as beautiful as I remembered it. Candles, rose petals, and the opening ceiling.

Except there was one very distinct difference the décor since the last time we were in here.

There were sex toys. Everywhere. Lingerie laid out on the bed. Dildos and vibrators on the nightstands. Drawers were left open halfway to show condoms, lube, handcuffs, blindfolds, whips, all kinds of stuff.

“Oh.”

I looked at Peter. “No kidding.”

“I’m sorry, and we’re not supposed to use these?” he asked, crossing to the nightstand and pulling out a pair of leather handcuffs. He glanced back at me, looking like a kicked puppy.

“Well, I can’t think of a way we could without touching.”

“No sexual contact,” he mused, turning them over in his hands. “Does that include…you know, touching ourselves?”

“Alex?” I asked, and then immediately remembered. “Right.”

I went to the bed, and picked up the lingerie piece, holding it up to my body.

“I don’t know that I have the tits for this,” I mumbled.

“Yes, you do.”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and decided to be a dick. “Bet.” I put it back down, and then started to undress, taking off my beach cover-up.

“Wait, Em-”

“No, no, I vote we test this rule.”

“What? MJ-”

“There’s no way sexual contact includes masturbation. There’s nothing that says that.”

Peter shook his head, turning away from me and setting the handcuffs down. “MJ, there’s no way I have the self control for that.”

I pulled off my bikini, and started to pull the lingerie on. It was a lacy black teddy, with a low neckline and straps that went over my chest, accentuating my assets. There was a thong that went with it, that left little to the imagination.

“We can do it from opposite sides of the room,” I offered, adjusted the straps of the thong so they sat right above my hip bones. “That way it’s a little harder to just roll over and start fucking me.”

There was an obvious bulge beginning to show through his swim trunks. “MJ, are you trying to kill me?” he groaned.

I bit my lip, trying not to show my amusement. “Not _kill_ you. Where would the fun be in that?”

He flopped down on the bed, curls bouncing as he did. God, he was beautiful. He covered his face with his hands. “Emmmmmm.”

I leaned over him, hands on either side of his shoulders. “Peterrrrrr,” I mimicked.

“Do you have any idea how tempted I am?” he asked, staring up with me with big, round eyes between his fingers.

“So why not? As long as we don’t touch.”

Peter squeezed his eyes shut. “This is torture! I just wanna kiss you,” he whined.

I smiled, wide enough my cheeks hurt. “That’s all you wanna do?”

“Shut up!”

I backed off, and he sat up, staring at the wall. I went over to the nightstand, picking up a dildo. It was relatively average and dark purple, and it felt kind of squishy yet hard at the same time.

“Oh! This is one of those dual-density dildos!” I blurted.

Peter’s head snapped towards me. “What?”

“It’s got a hard core but a soft layer around it. It’s supposed to be more realistic.”

He blinked. “How do you just do that off the top of your head?”

“I was broke in college. I did my research before investing in one.”

“Wait, what kind of toys do you own?” Peter asked.

I gave him a look. “Why do you want to know?” I shot back, gesturing with the dildo.

He swallowed, Adam’s apple bobbing. “Oh, you know. General curiosity.”

“Mhm. Sure. Well, I have a dildo, a suction vibrator-”

“What’s a suction vibrator?” he asked.

“It, like, goes over your clit and pulses air. It’s supposed to mimic being eaten out.”

His cheeks were becoming rosier and rosier. “That’s a thing?”

I nodded, and looked through the sex toys to find one, and eventually did. “Like this.” I tossed it to him.

He turned it over in his hands. “You, uh, wanna show me how it works?”

“Oh, yeah, you just hit the on button-” He gave me a look, and I realized what he meant. “Oh.”

He tossed it back to me, and got off the bed, moving to a chair right across from the bed.

“You’re sure?” I asked.

He nodded.

I realized I’d never really done this before. Masturbated in front of someone. It somehow felt way more vulnerable than sex.

I knelt on the bed, knees apart, and pulled the straps of the thong down, just enough to be able to slip the vibrator between the fabric and myself. I positioned it over my clit, and turned it on.

And holy shit, it was _strong_. I let out this strangled whimper as it rumbled to life, and spread my legs a little wider.

“How’s it feel?” Peter asked, his own voice strained.

I bit my lip, and looked at him, locking eyes. “Not as good as you.”

The bulge in his swim trunks was noticeably bigger now, and Peter’s hands wrapped around the arm of the chair, gripping hard enough that his knuckles turned white. “Um, is it- can you- does it have a higher setting?”

I pressed the same button I’d used to turn it on, and the motor pitched up as the suction got more intense. My eyes squeezed shut of their own accord, and I moaned, softly and slowly.

“Shit, Em.”

I blinked my eyes open, slowly, staring at Peter with a half-lidded gaze. “Are you gonna join me?”

I have never seen someone scramble to pull their swim trunks down faster.

He lifted his hips, forcing his trunks down, and his cock sprang free. He was already hard, and I swore I could see the glisten of pre-cum. I paid attention to the way his hand wrapped around himself, thumb rubbing the tip, fist slowly stroking.

I closed my eyes again, and let myself imagine that it was his mouth on my clit. “Oh, _Peter_.”

“Turn it up again,” he suggested softly.

I obeyed. There was a split-second delay, and then the third setting kicked in. It was a much stronger pulse than before, and my back arched involuntarily. “Peter,” I gasped.

“Can you- can you take off the thong?”

I sat back on the bed, so I could keep the vibrator against my clit as I pulled the thong down. I kicked it off, and got back on my knees.

“I’m not being too demanding, am I?” Peter asked.

I smiled at him. “Honestly, Peter, you could be more demanding. It’s hot.”

He stared at me, hand still on his dick. “I think I’m in heaven. Actual heaven. I had a heart attack and died and I’m in heaven.”

I laughed. “Me too.”

Peter cleared his throat. “If I use a whip on you, I’m technically not touching you, right?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Would that be okay with you? I don’t wanna-”

“Please.” My voice was raspy with desperation.

“O-okay.”

He crossed the room, pulling his shirt off and kicking off his shorts as he did, and grabbed a whip out of the drawer. It was the type with a bunch of tails, rather than one, and it looked soft, so I wasn’t too worried. He hit the pillow with it, and then turned to me.

“I don’t wanna hurt you.”

“Stick to, like, the butt or thighs.”

He nodded, and hit me lightly across the butt.

“That tickled. Seriously, Peter, take your day out on me.”

He swallowed, and whipped me again, harder this time. I whimpered a little.

“Was that good?”

“Harder.”

Another hit. I yelped. _Fuck_ , I don’t know how he did this to me.

“Keep going.”

“Take off the top,” he said, “it’s getting in the way.”

I turned off the vibrator and set it down for a moment, and pulled the babydoll off. Leaning forward, I shifted my weight onto my forearms, and stuck my ass in the air.

“You’re wet,” Peter commented, voice pitching up.

“Mhm.”

The whip hit me again, and I moaned.

“God, I wish I could touch you.”

He whipped me again, hitting a little lower. A strip of fabric caught me between the legs, and I cried out, pressing my lips together as I caught myself.

“Did that hurt?”

I shook my head, squeezing my eyes shut.

There was a pause, and then Peter’s voice came again, lower this time. “Can I…take control?”

“Please do.”

“You’ll tell me to stop if I cross a line, right?”

“Yep.”

He took in a deep breath, and then flogged my ass again. This was harder, and I could feel the slickness left on the fabric from the last one. I moaned, louder this time, partially to let him know I was enjoying this.

Because I was. Immensely.

And, fuck, feeling this safe and comfortable, yet high on pleasure and adrenaline, while someone was whipping me and telling me how to touch myself? It was addictive.

The whip came again, across my upper thighs this time. My skin was pleasantly hot where it hit.

“Peter.”

“Turn over,” he said. His voice was still a little shaky, but I somehow found his nerves comforting.

It was a welcome contrast from my past experiences.

I flipped onto my back, propped up on my elbows. My heart was beating fast and hard, and I could feel my pulse between my legs as I spread them, slowly, maintaining eye contact with Peter.

“Start using the vibrator again,” he ordered, voice becoming more confident.

I bit back a smile, and grabbed the vibe, turning it on and positioning it. I let my head fall back as it started to go, and squealed when the whip hit my inner thigh.

“Fuck me,” I pleaded.

“Em, if I touch you, we lose more than forty grand each.”

I groaned.

“Turn up the vibrator.”

I turned it to the second setting, and moaned, spreading my legs more. “Peter, _please_.”

“Don’t tempt me.” He whipped me again, across the tops of my thighs.

I swore I could feel myself getting wetter.

“Finger yourself.”

I slipped my free hand between my legs, laying back on the bed. Slowly, I eased two fingers in. I was slick as hell, and slid right in. I pushed in, knuckle deep.

Somehow, this was the hottest night of my life, and we weren’t even touching.

He flogged me a couple more times, telling me to turn up the vibrator, finger myself faster.

My brain went offline. My vocabulary was reduced to moaning and pleading and Peter’s name.

I started pushing my fingertips into my g-spot, and Peter told me to turn the vibrator to the max setting.

My whole body was shaking, hard.

“I’m gonna cum-”

“No.”

I looked at Peter.

“Don’t cum. Not yet. Turn the vibrator off.”

I listened, turning it off and letting it fall onto the mattress, somewhere I didn’t care enough to note. He put the whip away, and went back to the chair.

“Um, get back on your knees,” Peter said. He grabbed a dildo with a suction base off of the nightstand and put it on the bed, before crossing back to his chair and sitting down.

I pulled my fingers out, massaging them against my clit for a moment before I got on my knees.

“Do you want me to…?” I asked, holding up the dildo.

He nodded, hand wrapping around his cock.

I held it by the base, hoping it was stable enough to stay upright when things inevitably got fast and heated, and positioned it between my legs.

“Slowly,” he instructed, voice tense.

I let myself sink down onto it. My walls stretched to accommodate it, wetness aiding it as I guided it in. I let out a close-lipped, drawn out moan.

“Fuck,” Peter breathed.

I agreed. “Fuck.”

I sank down the rest of the way, hips aching as my legs spread wide. The dildo was curved, and pressed lightly against my g-spot went it was finally fully sheathed in me.

“Peter.” My voice was pitched up, and raspy. “Please.”

“Just go slow, Em.”

My eyes drifted shut as I held the base with one hand, and grabbed one of my tits with the other, gripping it tight enough I was worried about bruises. I eased up on the dildo, and then back down.

God, I wished so desperately that it were Peter.

“You’re so beautiful,” Peter said breathlessly. “I wish I could-”

“Me too,” I moaned, still riding the dildo painfully slowly.

“Good girl.” I heard him spit, and the slick, wet noises as he sped up his own movements. It took every ounce of my self-control not to toss the dildo aside and climb into his lap and ride him until dawn. “So good.”

I’d spent all of my self-control on not touching my hot fucking boyfriend, so I couldn’t resist speeding up on the dildo. I whined. “I want you. I _need_ you.”

“You sound so wet,” he groaned. “Fuck.”

I gave up on riding the dildo and grabbed it by the base, fucking myself hard with it. I felt my own wetness drip down the dildo onto my hand.

Peter let out a strained moan, and I opened my eyes. His gaze was locked onto the dildo, his hand wrapped tight around his cock as he jerked himself off furiously.

My panting and quiet moans turned into loud ones, either short and shrill or long and low. My hips were grinding into the dildo as I desperately pumped it in and out, faster and faster. My arm was tiring and my hand was cramping, but I couldn’t stop.

“Peter, Peter, _Peter_ -”

“Use the vibrator,” he hissed.

I snatched it, urgently turning it on and lining it up.

It was so much. _God_ , I was close. My moans were short and frantic and punctuated with gasps for air. Peter’s breathing was heavy, peppered with low moans that drove me insane.

“ _Please_.”

“Don’t- not yet-”

I turned up the setting on the vibrator, and almost fell forward. I was sweating and dripping and crying out, begging for release.

Peter gasped, and I recognized the groan that followed. He was close.

“Cum for me-”

Before the sentence was finished, I was tipping over. I screamed, loud and long, movements stuttering as my whole body tensed. I heard myself saying Peter’s name over and over, urgently at first, and then breathless as the orgasm settled. I dropped the vibrator, and flopped forward on the bed, to exhausted to bother with the dildo still buried inside me.

I listened as Peter’s breathing evened out, and then as he walked into the bathroom and ran some water, presumably cleaning up a bit.

I had no idea how he had the energy. I was wiped out.

Then again, he’d edged me, so I came _hard_.

His footsteps neared again. “Turn over, MJ.”

I rolled over, pushing the still-buzzing vibrator aside. He grabbed, just as I moved away.

“Alright, here’s the deal. No unexpected moves. I don’t want to accidentally touch you.”

I nodded. He moved the vibrator between my legs, eyes trained on my face, gauging my reaction. When the suction was firmly on my clit, I moaned, loudly. I was still oversensitive, and it was on one of the higher settings – I didn’t remember which one – and holy _fuck_ it felt so good.

“Hands above your head,” Peter instructed. I complied, resting my hands on the bed, wrists crossed over one another. “Legs wider.” I spread my legs, and the dildo shifted a little, away from my g-spot. “Can you be quiet for me?” he asked.

I nodded.

“Good girl.”

I didn’t know Peter had this level of authority in him, and it was so fucking attractive that he did.

He pulled the dildo out, slowly, careful not to touch me, and held it over my face.

“Open up.”

I opened my mouth, wide, and he slid the dildo in. “Suck it clean for me, Em.”

I held eye contact, and sucked as lewdly as I could. You know, while I was laying on my back, hands above my head, with a vibrator on my clit.

Once I’d cleaned it off, Peter pulled it away, and then positioned it between my legs again, hesitating a moment. He dropped the vibrator on the bed between my legs, and I bit back the urge to complain.

He went to the nightstand, and grabbed a rabbit vibrator. It was slightly thicker than the dildo, and the handle meant he could fuck me with it without touching me.

“Can you take this for me?”

“Mhm.”

“Quiet,” he reminded me gently, guiding the rabbit between my legs. It slipped in quickly and easily, and I bit my lip, trying not to moan. He turned it on, and the rabbit ears started vibrating on my clit. He pressed another button, and the head of the dildo part started…thumping, almost, against my g-spot. My back arched, just slightly, before I managed to force myself back down into the bed. He started pumping it in and out, slowly, but when I spread my legs a little, he turned up both settings and started fucking me hard and fast with it.

I couldn’t help the way I cried out his name, or grabbed the comforters in fistfuls. It was too much to handle, but it felt divine.

“Fuck!” I screamed. “Peter, I’m-”

“Are you gonna cum for me?”

“Mhm.” I sounded strained and whimpery, and I couldn’t bring myself to care. I rocked my hips closer to his hand, desperate.

“Cum for me, Em.”

This orgasm wasn’t as strong, but it was longer. I screamed, and panted, and moaned. Peter’s movements slowed, and I quieted as they did.

“How was that?”

I smiled, breathless.

“Good?”

“Uh-huh.”

“Come on, let’s get cleaned up.”

I followed Peter into the bathroom, and he ran me a bath.

I watched him. His skin was covered in a glean of sweat, his curls were rumpled, and he was flushed pink.

And I bit my tongue before I could blurt out that I loved him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> reminder to follow me on [twitter, tumblr, and ko-fi!](https://caramelcaramelcaramel.carrd.co/)
> 
> I tweet updates on chapters, so you can know exactly when a new chapter is coming. On tumblr, I'll be posting extra lil pieces of writing (also probably any spideychelle week pieces I do) and i'll take requests for new fics! and on ko-fi, i share my art, and you can commission pieces or just support my writing. 
> 
> i hope you enjoyed this chapter!! :)


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heyo! in case you've missed it, i made a [tumblr](https://caramelcaramelcaramelao3.tumblr.com/), so if you ever want to request a little ficlet, read extra drabbles i write when i'm bored/inspired, that's the place to go! I also have an [early access tumblr](https://caramelearlyaccess.tumblr.com/), where chapters come out a few days early, and the first of my spideychelle week prompts is up there. if you want to see that, donate to my [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/saltedc). it costs one canadian dollar (or seventy five cents american), and helps me save for screenwriting school next year, so your support would be greatly appreciated :)

Peter ran me a bath, and then got in the shower. I tied up my hair, then soaked in the bath, eye closed, head resting on the back of the tub, listening to Peter hum as he washed up.

“I could fall asleep like this,” I admitted.

“Well, don’t! I don’t want you to drown.”

I opened my eyes and looked at Peter, and then slowly sank into the tub. He rolled his eyes at me.

“You’re awful,” he teased.

I sat back up. “That’s not the tune you were singing a few minutes ago.”

“Oh, shut up.”

He took a few more minutes in the shower, and then stepped out, drying off. I watched his stomach, eyeing the healing cut on his ribs. It looked fine, but it still bothered me. It pissed me off that Andy had probably left a scar on him.

“What?”

I blinked. “Oh, sorry.”

“Whatcha staring at?” he asked, a hint flirtation on his voice.

I shook my head. “Just…spaced out.”

He narrowed his eyes at me. “Nope. You were focused. I know your spaced out face.”

Damn this observant boy. “The cut on your ribs.”

He looked down, running his hand over it. “Oh.”

“It just…it looks better.”

He gave a little half-smile. “Yeah. It’s healing well.”

I pulled the drain, and stood up. Peter tossed me a towel. I wrapped it around myself and stepped out of the tub.

“It bugs you, doesn’t it?”

It baffled me how he read me so well. I was used to being called unreadable. “Yeah. How’d you know?”

He shrugged. “You looked kind of upset.” When I didn’t respond, he continued. “Andy’s not here anymore. You don’t ever have to see him again.”

I nodded. “Yeah. I know. I just hate that you got hurt because of me, I guess.”

“He attacked me all on his own,” Peter reminded me, voice gentle. “It’s not your fault.”

I opened my mouth to argue, and then sighed. “I know. It just sucks.”

“I know,” he said softly. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry, dork.” I was trying desperately to lighten the mood, because, frankly, talking about Andy was making my skin crawl. “Let’s just go to bed. You tired me out.”

He tried to hide the grin growing on his face by turning away, but I caught it anyways.

I brushed my teeth, then took my hair down, braiding it and putting it back up in a bun. I dropped the towel and stole Peter’s t-shirt.

“I wish I could give you a hug,” Peter admitted, climbing into bed with fresh boxers on.

I smiled, propping up a couple of pillows between us, and laying down. “I would kill for some cuddles.”

“But not give up forty-four grand?” he teased.

“Bitch, in this economy?”

He laughed, turning off the lamp. “Goodnight, Em.”

“Goodnight.”

\---

Alex’s chime woke us up in the morning.

I sat up, rubbing my eyes. Peter groaned and turned over, pulling a pillow over his head.

“Good morning,” Alex said. “Breakfast is waiting outside your door, as well as fresh clothes. Eat, get dressed, and get down to the fire pit.”

“Got it,” I responded.

I swung my legs over the edge of the bed, immediately realizing my thighs and abs were sore.

Serves me right, I guess.

I opened the door and pulled the room service cart in.

Peter sat up. “That smells good.”

I snorted. “Of course _that’s_ what gets you up.”

“Good morning to you, too.”

I rolled my eyes.

We sat on the edge of the bed and ate, mostly silently. Both of us were still half asleep, I guess.

After we ate, I went to the bathroom to brush my teeth while Peter got dressed, and then we switched.

“Do you think we lost the money?” I asked as I pulled my bikini top on.

“No, we didn’t touch.” His voice was muffled.

“Yeah, but do you think anything we did last night counted as sexual contact?”

I heard him spit. “I don’t think so.” He came out of the bathroom. “I guess we’ll find out.”

“Either way, we still got a month-long vacation at the beach, right? It’s better than nothing.”

He grinned. “Yeah.”

We made our way down to the fire pit. Wes, Cassie and Penny were already sitting on a log together, and the others were making their way over.

“I wonder how Cassie and Wes did,” I mused.

“Hopefully better than us,” Peter teased.

I jogged the last stretch of the path, and then sat down next to Penny.

“How was your night?” Penny immediately asked, only half-focused on me as Aubrey sat down on the log beside ours.

“I don’t know if we won or lost money,” I admitted.

“Oh, shit,” Penny said.

“Wait, what do you-”

“Hey! Look who’s back!” Harry interrupted, sitting down next to Peter. “How was your night?” He elbowed Peter, clearly looking for a specific answer.

“Not bad,” Peter admitted, glancing at me.

“Oh, come on, spill!” Owen chimed in, approaching from behind. Theresa and Ruby sat down, nodding along.

“A gentleman never kisses and tells,” Mike said, scowling playfully at the other guys. “But, who are we kidding, Peter’s no gentleman!”

“Hey!” I protested. “He was a perfect gentleman last night!” It was kind of a lie, but oh well.

“I thought you just said you didn’t know if you won or lost money?” Aubrey gave me a smug smile.

“Wait, you don’t know if you won or lost money?” Luke asked.

“Fuck,” Wes mumbled.

Before anyone could add anything, Alex’s chime played. “Hello, all.”

“Hey, Alex!” Aubrey responded, way too cheerful.

“Hello, Aubrey.”

“Get off my girl,” Penny joked. Aubrey laughed.

“There is an update for our two couples that spent a night in private suites. After you went your own ways, the rest of the group received extra conditions. Should either of you lose the money, all twelve of you will lose all of your money.”

“What?” I snapped. “That’s-”

“Oh, fuck,” Peter said. I locked eyes with him.

“I’m sure you’ve been wondering how our two couples of the night fared. First, Cassie and Wes. Despite the accidental touches-” I shot Cassie a look, and she looked panicked. “-I’ve decided that you guys do not deserve to have your funds depleted. In fact, you both made big strides in terms of trust, and made some long-term plans for your future. I’m impressed with how you spent your night. You have not cost anyone their money.”

Cassie let out a bated breath. “Oh, thank GOD.”

Penny laughed, and Cassie did too, the two of them leaning together as they did.

“As for Peter and MJ,” Alex said.

I looked at Peter, who looked as anxious as I was, despite his comments this morning.

“You both exploited a loophole last night.”

“What?” Harry asked.

“Fuck, guys,” Penny added. “You could’ve cost us all.”

My heart was racing. This was bad. Really bad. I don’t know how I could live with myself if I’d lost everyone’s money because I was horny.

_Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck-_

“Normally, I would have punished that, however, it was evident that MJ placed a lot of trust in Peter during their activities. On top of that, Peter, you were very caring and respectful of MJ.”

I couldn’t breathe.

“Not only are your funds safe, as well as everyone else’s, but _all_ funds have been doubled.”

“Oh my god, _thank you_ , Alex!”

“You’re welcome, MJ. Now, there are only a few hours left of your retreat. Couples, the touch ban has been lifted. Enjoy your last day of the retreat.”

I fully ran at Peter, tackling him in a hug. Both of us fell off of the log he was sitting on.

He laughed breathlessly. “Em!”

“I lo- I missed you.”

He squeezed me tight as I buried my face in his neck. “I missed you too.”

\---

All twelve of us decided to spend the rest of the morning in the pool.

For the first ten minutes or so, I was glued to Peter. Once Luke set up the volleyball net in the pool, though, I managed to force myself to detach.

It was Harry, Theresa, Luke, Mike, Ruby, and Owen, against Aubrey, Penny, Cassie, Wes, Peter and I.

And we had a great fucking time.

None of us were really keeping score, despite the fact that we were playing competitively. I’m talking spikes, dives, the whole nine yards.

It was nice to just let loose. We were screaming and laughing and having fun, and more importantly, we were free to touch each other.

We ditched the pool when Alex announced lunch, and had some cocktails while we ate our last meal of the retreat.

“Okay, here’s the real question,” Luke said. “What was the best moment of the retreat?”

“Oh, easy.” Penny set her drink down. “MJ pushing Andy into the pool.”

I laughed. “That was a good one.”

Aubrey shook her head. “The chat all of us girls had by the beach. That’s how we all became friends.”

“Aww!” Cassie raised her glass. “I’ll toast to that.”

We clinked glasses and drank.

We kept reminiscing. Peter brought up the Bees, which we then had to explain to the group. Harry called him a softie, I made a dirty joke, you get the idea.

And after lunch, we packed.

It was bittersweet. On one hand, I missed New York, and I was so ready to get back to real life. On the other hand, I was sad to part ways with all the new friends I’d made.

It was also weird to wear normal clothes after a month of just bikinis.

Once the producers gave our phones back, we all traded numbers and social media handles, before we were shuttled off towards the nearest airport.

I said goodbye to the girls once we were through security, all six of us tearing up as we hugged each other.

“Promise me you’ll stay in touch,” Penny said through tears.

I nodded. “Absolutely.”

Peter and I went off to our gate, just in time to board.

Once we’d settled in our seats, he turned to me.

“Hey, we’re not gonna be able to see the Bees.”

Smiling, I replied, “We can always take a drive out of the city, if you’d like.”

He hummed softly, putting an arm around me. “I might take you up on that.”

I opened my mouth, and shut it before I said something stupid.

“What?”

“It’s nothing.”

“No, tell me.”

I looked at him, locking eyes with him. God, he had beautiful eyes. And suddenly, I couldn’t bite it back anymore. “I love you.”

He blinked and tensed, and then relaxed, smiling. “I love you, too. I’m so glad you said it first, I’ve been stressing about it all week.”

I laughed, pushing him lightly. “You could’ve said it!”

“Nah, I liked you saying it first. I kissed you first, so it’s only fair.”

I rolled my eyes. “Alright, I take it back.”

“No! You don’t get to take it back!”

“Oh, I absolutely do-”

He kissed me, effectively shutting me up.

I pulled back. “I wasn’t finished.”

“Okay, continue.”

I stared at him for a moment, and then kissed him. He smiled against my lips.

“That’s what I thought,” he mumbled between kisses.

“Dork.”

“You love me.”

“Mm, yes I do.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> second last chapter! woo!
> 
> i actually finished this chapter a hot min ago, and the last chapter (cue jake peralta "chills, literal chills") and if you just can't wait for the last chapter you can go to my [ko-fi](https://ko-fi.com/saltedc%20rel=) to get access to my [second tumblr](https://www.tumblr.com/blog_auth/caramelearlyaccess), where chapters go up early, and so do some oneshots (including my spideychelle week pieces).  
> it costs you one canadian dollar (or 75 cents american) for a month of access (if you're wondering how much you get for that money, i've had this system going for a week and there are 5 full length posts up)  
> obviously you don't have to support, everything up on there currently will eventually go up on here! but if you enjoy my writing, it's a really great way to support me with things like moving for screenwriting school next year (so I can make an interracial lesbian version of ["why didn't you wash the paint off?"](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23009893))
> 
> aaaaanyways. on with the chapter. (it's an angsty one, consider yourself warned)

A couple months had passed since the end of the retreat, and Peter and I had settled in nicely. Nothing big had happened, apart from the “I love you”s on the plane in. Things were actually…very pleasant. We generally spent the night together, curling up in bed together after a long day, appreciating every time we got to touch.

And then trailers came out for the show.

We got the email from the executive producer during the day, saying they were going live, and I texted the group chat we all had.

_Me: trailer watch party tonight?_

_Peter: yes!_

_Cassie: agreed!!_

_Harry: for sure_

The rest of the responses trickled in during the afternoon. I got home from work, and got changed. Peter came over just as I was making some popcorn.

“Hey,” he greeted, coming up behind me, arms wrapping around my waist and kissing my cheek.

“Hey, how was your day?”

“Good. I’m glad to be home.”

I hummed, turning around to kiss him properly. “Good answer.”

He grinned. “How was your day?”

I shrugged. “Nothing special. I’m excited to see the trailer.”

He kissed me again, and I let the stress of the day melt away as I leaned into him.

The microwave went off, and I reluctantly pulled away to take the popcorn out and pour it into a bowl.

“It’s gonna be weird to see, isn’t it?” Peter asked. “All the stuff from the retreat.”

I nodded. “I know we changed a lot, but I’m sure we’ll see exactly how much when we watch it back.”

“Especially Aubrey and Theresa,” Peter said. “Oh, and Mike.”

“Exactly.”

My laptop, which was sitting on the coffee table, lit up, a Skype call ringing.

Peter and I moved over to the couch, him answering the call from Penny as I turned on my TV and got ready to pull up the trailer.

“Hey!” Penny said. “Aubs, honey, come over here.”

“Sorry!” came Aubrey’s voice from offscreen. She hurried into frame with a box of Chinese takeout in her hand. “Hi, guys!”

“How are you?” I asked, still fiddling with the TV.

“We’re really good. How are you guys?”

“Pretty great,” Peter answered. I glanced at him, and he was already looking at me, smiling wide.

I resisted to urge to lean in and kiss him. Didn’t wanna bombard Penny and Aubrey with PDA.

“Where’s everyone else?” I asked.

“Calls are still ringing.” Aubrey shrugged. “Probably setting up.”

Just as she said it, Cassie and Wes joined.

“Sorry we’re late, I had to pee,” Cassie said sheepishly. “Hi guys!”

We all greeted each other again.

“Okay, we have a little announcement before we get started,” Wes said. “But we should probably wait for everyone else.”

As he said that, Luke joined. “What’d I miss?”

“Cassie and Wes have an announcement,” Penny said. “Where’s Mike?”

Luke shrugged. “I texted him to join.”

And then Mike joined in. “Okay, I’m here! Had to call my grandma so she could figure out how to watch the trailer.”

I blinked. “You want your grandma watching this?”

Mike shrugged. “What doesn’t kill her makes her stronger.”

I laughed.

Theresa joined in. “Hello, hello!”

“Hey!”

“Where’s Harry?”

“He’s not home yet. I called a few minutes ago, and he was just leaving the office.”

“To be fair,” I said, “it’s earlier over there. He probably had a rough time getting out early.”

Theresa nodded.

Owen and Ruby joined, Ruby sitting with her legs draped over Owen’s. “Oh, you guys are a sight for sore eyes!” Ruby greeted.

“I missed you!” Aubrey proclaimed.

“Feeling the love, girl,” Theresa deadpanned, good-naturedly.

“Oh, shh.”

Theresa opened her mouth to say something, but then Harry came in. “Hi, guys, sorry I’m late, there was-”

“Okay, shut up, I wanna hear the announcement!” Penny interrupted.

“What announcement?” Harry frowned.

Cassie and Wes looked at each other, and then Cassie held up her left hand, revealing an engagement ring. “We got engaged!”

“When?” I demanded.

“About an hour ago,” Wes explained.

The ten of us erupted in congratulations and questions about the proposal as Cassie and Wes giggled to themselves, clearly really happy together.

They told us the story, and I found my chest warming. They looked so excited to get married.

“Okay, okay, you gotta stop giving our girlfriend’s ideas,” Owen cut in after a while. “I do not have the money for a ring.”

We all laughed, and moved on.

“Everyone have the trailer pulled up?” Aubrey asked, picking up a remote.

“Yep!”

“Three, two, one, play!”

I hit play, and the trailer started off. A shot of the beach during the day, the show’s title in big letters across the screen.

“Welcome to Devotion,” the narrator said, “the dating show that focuses on the strength of relationships. Over the next month, our contestants will be participating in workshops-” a shot of the shibari workshop went up, thankfully not focused on Peter and I, “-going on dates-” Cassie and Peter walking down the beach together.

I didn’t hear the rest of the sentence. I heard “going on dates” and saw Peter and Cassie, and my brain went to static.

I turned to Peter. “What was that?”

He hesitated, and my whole body went cold as the realization set in.

I turned off the trailer and closed my laptop.

“Get out.”

“Em-”

“Just get out, Peter.”

He stared at me, unblinking, eyes becoming glassy. After a moment, he stood, and soundlessly left the apartment.

\---

The next couple days passed, bleak and grey. I hadn’t realized how much vibrancy Peter brought into my life until it was gone. I didn’t sleep. I didn’t eat. I didn’t talk to anyone. I went to work, and then came home and cried.

In those days, I amassed a total of 53 notifications. Most of them from Cassie and Peter, but the others from Ned, Betty, and, most surprisingly, Wes.

I didn’t open any of them.

Until one night, at 3am, when the silence in my apartment was deafening, and the loneliness felt like it was beginning to swallow me whole. Through tears, I dialled Betty’s number, gasping for breath as it rang.

She answered on the third ring. “MJ?”

I cried harder.

“Hey, hey, what’s going on?”

Words spilled out of me without any real intention or direction. Peter’s name fell past my lips more than I’m willing to admit. I kept telling her how lonely and empty and bleak everything was, how heartbroken I was that he’d cheated. And when she finally got a word, she said:

“Wait, Peter never cheated on you.”

“No, Betty, you didn’t see the trailer-”

“Yeah, I did.”

“But they never told me about that-that walk and-and it was a date and-”

“It wasn’t a date, MJ.”

I sniffled. “How do you know?”

“Because I know Peter. And I know that, first of all, Cassie’s not his type, and second of all, he would never cheat.”

I wiped tears away, wondering if I’d been overreacting. “B-but-”

“MJ, he’s had a thing for you since high school. The boy’s too smart to throw that away.”

I didn’t know how to answer. I was expecting Betty to comfort me, to tell me I’d find better, not that Peter was better than I’d thought.

“Listen, MJ, it’s a reality show. Of course they were gonna twist it. I know that you’ve had some shitty experiences with guys, and I can’t blame you for having trust issues, but please just talk to him. He loves you so much, MJ.”

I sighed, my breath shaky, and I wiped tears away. “I don’t know.”

“Just think about it. I gotta get back to sleep, are you okay?”

I sniffed again. “Yeah. Yeah, I’m fine. Sorry I woke you up.”

“It’s okay. I’m glad you did. Goodnight, MJ.”

“Goodnight, Betty.”

I hung up, and laid back down in bed, breathing steadying.

Perhaps I’d jumped to conclusions.

I looked up the trailer, and watched it. The shot of them by the beach was just…two people walking along the beach. No hand holding. No glances exchanged.

I couldn’t punish Peter for having a female friendship. What did that make me?

Damaged.

I rolled over, wrapping myself in blankets, and slowly fell asleep.

In the morning, I called in sick from work, and cleaned up the apartment. I’d let it fall apart a little, the last few days. There was sweeping and mopping and dusting to be done, trash to take out, laundry to do. I sorted myself out, listening to music and keeping myself calm as I did.

When I was done, I called Cassie.

“MJ! I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”

“I’m sorry, is it-is it a bad time?”

“No, no, not at all.”

I settled on the couch, burying my face in my free hand. “I owe you such a big apology. I jumped to conclusions, I ignored your calls and texts, I-I accused you of stealing my boyfriend, knowing you were engaged, I-”

“MJ, stop,” she said. “It’s okay. I get it.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. You had to watch Aubrey kiss Andy in front of you. Not to mention, your past experiences with men haven’t been all that great. I don’t blame you for being on edge about it.”

I sighed. “Thank you. I guess I just…felt guilty.”

“Well, don’t. Your reaction was understandable. And I’m glad you came around, I missed you.”

Softening, I responded, “I missed you, too. How’s the fiancé, by the way?”

And then the conversation devolved into meaningless chatting, going on for a couple hours, before I realized what time it was. Peter was probably getting home from work.

“Uh, Cassie, I gotta go talk to Peter.”

“Yes, girl, go get him!”

“Thanks. I’ll tell you how it goes.”

“You better.”

I hung up, and got dressed.

Peter lived two blocks away. It was windy, and beginning to drizzle, but I couldn’t justify taking the car, so I pulled on a thick sweater, and walked.

As I walked, it started to rain harder. I put my head down and powered through, desperate to just…see Peter.

I got to his building, and buzzed him.

His voice came through the intercom. “Hello?”

“It’s me. MJ.”

Hesitation. “I’ll buzz you in.”

_Bzzt. Click._

I pulled the door open, and went on up.

I got to his floor, and knocked on the door, fully aware that I looked like a drowned rat.

He opened it, eyes wide and glassy.

“I’m sorry,” I told him, voice going soft. “I’m so sorry.”

He stared at me, and then stepped aside. “Come on in.”

I entered his apartment, and realized he must’ve felt the same way I had. Dishes piled up in the sink, stains on the counter and floor, clothes strewn about the place carelessly.

“Listen, I, um,” I swallowed, “I overreacted. I mean, well, overreacted is an understatement. I shouldn’t have accused you of anything, and I should’ve talked it through with you, and I acted- I was stupid, and I’m so sorry.”

Peter leaned against the counter, chewing his lip and staring at the ground.

“Please say something,” I whispered.

He took a breath. “Why would I ever cheat on you?”

I blinked. “I don’t know.”

“I’m not Andy. And Cassie’s not Aubrey. And I love you, MJ. So much. And I thought I’d made it clear that I only have eyes for you, but you still- I don’t get it.”

When I blinked again, tears rolled down my cheeks. “I’m sorry.”

“No, seriously, MJ, what was your reasoning there?”

I shrugged, wrapping my arms around myself and looking away. I felt painfully vulnerable right now, and it almost hurt. “I guess it just…felt too good to be true. Because I’d never been with anybody nearly as good as you, and…maybe I just couldn’t understand why you’d want _me_ of all people.”

Peter sighed. “MJ, you know I’ve liked you since high school. Back then, when I spaced out in class, I found myself thinking of you. And in university, when I wasn’t paying attention in class, I was thinking of you. And now, every day since the retreat, I’m at work and I’m thinking of you. Because you’re-you’re beautiful, and intelligent, and brave, and I love you more than I can say.”

I hesitated, and he stepped forward, pulling me into a hug. I let myself melt into it, burying my face in his neck, crying tears of relief.

“I love you,” he reminded me again. “I’m still kind of mad at you, but I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“God, I missed you.” He squeezed me tighter. “I didn’t know if you’d ever come back.”

I cried harder. “I’m sorry I fucked up so bad.”

“It’ll be okay,” he assured me, kissing my rain-soaked hair. “It’ll be okay.”

We fell asleep in his bed that night, curled into each other, pressed so close it was like we were trying to meld into one person.

Just before I fell asleep, I made a vow.

 _Trust him, MJ. Do better_.


	18. the reunion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> last chapter!! i cried writing this, it's so sweet, and I grew to really love this au and the bees and everything. and now i'm crying posting it bc gosh i love them.  
> uh you can find me on twitter, tumblr, my second early access tumblr, and ko-fi [here!](https://caramelcaramelcaramel.carrd.co/) i'm working on spideychelle week stuff and i'll probably go back to play the part soon, so if you want updates, hit up my twitter and tumblr!!

Devotion aired a year after the retreat ended. The team flew all of us out, including Andy, for a reunion episode.

I’d seen Harry and Theresa, and Cassie and Wes since, but none of the others, and even though I followed everyone on social media and kept in touch, it was so weird how different everything was. Aubrey’s blonde hair had been dyed dark brown. Cassie had blonde streaks in her hair. Ruby had buzzed off her hair and dyed the fuzz bright pink. Mike had grown out his hair a little and parted it in the middle, giving it him an e-boy vibe.

Andy looked like a shell of himself. Hollow cheekbones, sunken eyes, bones sticking out where muscle used to be.

“Hello, all,” Alex greeted. “Please make your way to the pool.”

All thirteen of us gathered around the pool, pretending the speaker floating in the pool was normal.

Alex continued, “It has been approximately one year since the first season of Devotion wrapped. Let’s see how you’ve all fared in the outside world since. Aubrey and Penny, none of us guessed at the beginning you’d end up together. Penny was, at first, interested in Mike, and Aubrey in Andy. Once Andy was kicked off the show, Luke made a pass at Aubrey, but was ultimately rejected. Penny, Aubrey, can you talk to us about what drew you together?”

Penny looked at Aubrey, with the same love and wonder she had a year ago. “Honestly, the second I saw Aubrey, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to be her or wanted to be with her. And then, I guess, the more we got to know each other, the more I realized how much I wanted to be with her.”

Aubrey smiled at her, leaning into her side. “Aw, you’re making me blush.”

“Aubrey?” Alex asked.

“Well, I think my experiences with the guys on the retreat – no offence, Luke – made me kind of step back and look at what was going on and how I was being treated, and the person who was treating me with the most warmth and kindness was Pen. And when I opened my mind to it, it was really easy to fall for her.”

Penny giggled, hugging Aubrey closer on the loveseat.

“How have you been since the retreat ended?”

“We moved in together last month,” Penny said. “Got this nice loft together, spent a lot of time decorating and organizing. It’s been really nice to, like, actually live together.”

“Yeah,” Aubrey agreed. “I mean, we were spending every night at each other’s anyways, so it’s been real-really great.”

“I’m glad to see that your relationship is going strong,” Alex said. “Have you had any bumps in the road?”

Penny and Aubrey looked at each other.

“No,” Penny answered. “Nothing. It’s been a good year.”

Aubrey beamed, turning her face into Penny’s hair. I thought I heard her mumble an “I love you”, but I wasn’t sure.

“That’s good to hear. Owen and Ruby, you seemed to immediately hit it off when Ruby arrived at the retreat. Can you talk about what that was like?”

Ruby looked at Owen, smiling. “Honestly, I just got good vibes off of Owen. I’ve been a bit of an outcast my whole life, and I’ve had exes try to change the way I look in the past, and something about Owen was just…totally accepting and safe. I couldn’t pinpoint it. But yeah, I was right.”

Owen grinned. “That’s sweet.”

“It’s true!”

Alex continued, “Owen, do you have anything to add to that?”

Owen shrugged. “Ruby was just…very different than anybody I’d ever dated.”

Theresa snorted. “I’ll say.”

“But she’s spunky and fun, and we’re just…really good together.”

I found myself leaning into Peter, smiling.

“How have you two been since the end of the retreat?”

Ruby smiled. “Really good! We took things really slow, which I think worked well for both of us. We built a solid foundation that way, I think.”

“Yeah,” Owen agreed.

“I’m glad you’ve both been so well,” Alex said. “Mike, let’s talk about you. Your journey on Devotion was one that a lot of people really looked up to. You ultimately focused on yourself and friendships, and grew a lot as a person once you realized you weren’t ready for a relationship. How has that affected you in the real world?”

Mike swallowed. “Well, um, I started going to therapy, which was…a lot. I realized I had a lot of commitment issues and such to work through. And then, um, I met this girl, Amanda. She moved in down the block from me, and I kept running into her at the corner store and stuff, and then eventually I asked her out, and we’ve been dating for almost six months now.”

“Woo!” Penny cheered, and the rest of us joined in, cheering for him and giving him high-fives. He laughed, blushing.

“I’m glad to hear that, Mike,” Alex said.

Mike smiled.

“Luke, we saw a similar journey for you. You came to the retreat, looking for romance, and instead found a friendship. Can you speak to that?”

Luke nodded. “Well, um, I think at the beginning I had the wrong mindset. And going through a rejection, and being supported by friends…it opened me up to the idea that the relationships I needed to work on were my platonic ones.”

“Wow, that’s really well said,” Cassie remarked.

“Thanks. Um, so, since the retreat, I’ve just…poured all my focus into my friends. Mike and I went on a ski trip-”

“So fun, by the way.”

“-and I took my other friends on a week-long road trip, and we really bonded and got to know each other on a deeper level.”

“I’m proud of you, Luke,” Mike said. “You’ve really grown.”

They fist bumped. _Men_.

“Moving on,” Alex continued, “Harry and Theresa. When the retreat ended, you had plans to move in together. How did that pan out?”

“Um, well,” Theresa started, nervously, “in the process of figuring everything out, we realized we weren’t ready for it. We kind of…took a step back and re-evaluated, and took things a little slower, and then moved in about four months ago.”

“That turned out to be a really good decision for us,” Harry added. He sounded so much more mature now. “We probably wouldn’t be together now had we moved in back then.”

“Yeah,” Theresa agreed. “We definitely wouldn’t.”

“But living together now is going pretty well. We’ve figured out how to compromise and still be happy, and coming home from work now is…the best part of my day.” There was a sappy quality to his voice now that I hadn’t heard before. Theresa softened, leaning into him with a big smile.

Alex moved on. “Cassie and Wes, you guys had the most stable arc of anyone during the retreat, yet at the same time you both grew as individuals and as a couple. When you left the retreat, you seemed stronger and closer than ever. How did that translate to the real world?”

Cassie grinned, and pulled out her hand. “Well, we’re getting married next month, so I think it turned out pretty well.”

All of us knew this already, well, except for Andy, but we all fawned over the ring anyways, and chattered amongst ourselves about it. When it settled, Cassie continued.

“I think when the retreat started, I was confused. Wes and I were really happy together, but I wasn’t sure about our future. As the retreat went on, and we got better together, I realized more and more that I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.”

Wes kissed her temple.

“Wes, what are your thoughts?” Alex asked.

“No, I-I think Cassie nailed it. I mean, when the retreat started, I loved her, but I didn’t know if we would last through the whole thing. And by the end of the retreat, I was thinking about rings.”

“Aww.” Aubrey covered her mouth.

“Am I invited to the wedding?” Alex asked, and we all laughed.

“You can DJ!” Wes joked.

Robotic laughter came from Alex’s speaker, and we all laughed again.

“And Andy, you had a rough time on Devotion. Your relationship ended, you lost your rebound, and you were kicked off. Since then, you’ve garnered quite the reputation on social media. How has all of this affected you?”

Andy rolled his eyes. “Well, obviously Alex, it wasn’t a party. I lost my job when the show aired, and I’m one of the most hated men in America.”

“Did you learn anything from your experience?”

Andy glared at the speaker. There was a long, awkward silence.

Peter’s arm tightened around me, as though he was preparing for the worst.

After a few moments, Andy sighed. “Yeah, I guess what I learned is that I should’ve read the contract more clearly so I didn’t get fucked over by the editors.”

I frowned. “You weren’t fucked over by anybody but yourself,” I snapped. “You cheated on me, assaulted me, and then tried to _stab_ Peter. There is a good reason you’re hated. You’re lucky that’s all it was, and that we didn’t press charges.”

“Bullshit, it was edited to put me in a bad light!”

“You only gave them bad light to put you in!” I retorted. “Don’t blame the editors for your actions when you’re the one who pulled that shit.”

Andy stood up, and the security guard standing off to the side pulled a stun gun. Andy sat back down, glaring at me.

I tried not to let my panic show.

“Peter and MJ, you’ve become the fan favourite of the show. Not only did you break down each other’s walls, learn to trust and become vulnerable, and develop a meaningful relationship, you used the stars – sorry, the constellation, The Bees – to express love, care, and support for each other. How did the skills you built translate to the real world?”

I chuckled a little. “Well, at first, it was a little rough. When I saw the trailer for the show, and the shot of Cassie and Peter walking on the beach together, I kind of assumed the worst. I didn’t talk to anyone for a couple days, it was…bad. And then I reached out to a friend, who convinced me to talk to Cassie and Peter, and once I did, Peter and I made up. After we did, though, I promised myself I’d do better, because reverting to trust issues was evidently really bad for our relationship. But ever since, we’ve been…perfect.”

Peter squeezed me tighter. “Yeah, um, it was- I wasn’t sure what to do. And I kind of resigned myself to having lost the relationship. And when MJ came back, and we made up, it made me feel that much luckier. I think- as rough as that fight was, I think it made us a lot stronger, you know? Like you, MJ, haven’t jumped to conclusions like that, and I haven’t taken you for granted.”

“Where are you guys at now?” Alex asked. “Have you considered moving in, or further commitments?”

“We’ve talked about it,” I admitted. “We haven’t taken any of those steps yet. This is my first long-term relationship, and Peter’s, too, so it’s been good to just…take things nice and slow.”

“I better be your maid of honour when you get married,” Cassie teased. I laughed.

\---

We spent the afternoon playing games together, eating together, catching up. Andy left after that initial Q&A, which made it a lot easier for me to just hang out with everyone and relax.

Alex had us do the shibari workshop again after dinner.

Peter was rigging again, and unlike last year, I was perfectly relaxed.

Peter knew my boundaries well. He didn’t ask as he tied me up, simply looking at me for confirmation. I’d nod, he’d kiss my cheek or forehead or shoulder, and continue.

I closed my eyes, letting myself focus on the sensation of fingertips brushing over my skin, and rope following it, sliding around my wrists, legs, waist.

Once I was tied up, he knelt in front of me, so we were eye-to-eye, and smiled at me. “You look so much more relaxed this time.”

I hummed. “Yeah.”

He wrapped his arms around me. “I love you.”

I smiled, and kissed him. “I love you, too.”

Sora came around. “You all did very well, again. You may untie your partner.”

Peter began to untie me. “Things really are different now, huh?”

I nodded. “You mean I didn’t cry?”

Peter chuckled. “I mean, yeah. I meant all of us, though.”

“Yeah. We’ve all really grown.”

“I’m proud of us.”

“Oh, me too, especially-”

“No,” Peter said. “ _Us_.”

I shook the last of the rope off, and stood up. “I’m proud of us, too.”

He knelt down, rolling up the rope, and then reached into his back pocket.

“Peter, I can help you with it-”

And then he pulled a ring out.

I stepped back, hands over my mouth, instantly tearing up. Everyone else seemed to crowd around.

“MJ,” he said, voice shaking, “I have liked you and admired you since high school, but I fell in love with you here, on this beach, beneath the stars.” His eyes were wide and sparkly. “I think the Bees would agree that we’re pretty great together.”

I nodded, chuckling, tears beginning to roll down my cheeks.

“Michelle Jones, will you marry me? It’s okay if you say no.”

Taking a deep, shaky breath, and nodded. “Yes.” It was all I could get out.

Our friends erupted in cheers, and Peter stood, pulling me into a tight hug. I took a few deep breaths, squeezing him tight, until my heart stopped pounding so hard. I leaned back a little, took his face in both of my hands, and kissed him.

\---

Later, Peter and I sat on the beach, long after dark, staring up at the sky.

“You know,” Peter said, after a while, “people born under the Bees are gonna be the best wife.”

I smiled, resting my head on his shoulder. “People born under the Bees are gonna be the best husband.”

He kissed the top of my head, and I thought, _Devotion. What a perfect name for a show that brought me the most devoted boy on the planet._


End file.
